


Smile When You Dive In

by pansysnarkinson



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (in that jkr never said harry's dad didn't kiss sirius' brother), Angst, Background Jily, Background Wolfstar, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, First Kiss, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), No beta we die like regulus, Secret Relationship, inspired by all the jegulus tiktoks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 29,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29667267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pansysnarkinson/pseuds/pansysnarkinson
Summary: In his fifth year at Hogwarts, Regulus Black was getting on with it. Things at home were far from perfect since Sirius ran away and left him behind, but that didn't mean that he'd stopped caring about his brother altogether. He just wouldn't willingly admit that to Sirius.When Regulus is woken one night by a very angry Severus Snape, he doesn't want to get involved with whatever his brother's latest 'prank' is. But seeing him isolated from his friends, and worried about what the coming summer will bring, Regulus decides that he has no option but to get involved. He couldn't possibly be aware of what would happen when he pushes himself into the orbit of one James Potter. With the threat of war looming and Potter chasing that muggleborn girl, what could possibly pass between him and Regulus that would compromise the Slytherin?
Relationships: Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Regulus Black/James Potter
Comments: 26
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

Their world was a scary one; Regulus had known this since early childhood. Some of his earliest memories were the stories of the kelpies his mother would use to lull the boys to sleep. When he was older and his mother had tired of such things, Regulus would often ask Kreacher about the things that lurked out in the dark. The house elf was particularly fond of a story about the 'Black Shuck', a dark shaggy dog that would doom anybody who looked at it to death. Sirius had found this hilarious, taking the story and embellishing until he had Regulus believing that the Black Shuck was one of their ancestors, who had been turned to a dog by his mother for consorting with muggles. For years, Regulus would clamp his eyes shut at the sight of any dog, black or not, for fear of imminent death. Regulus _also_ knew about the monsters closer to home, the ones he called family, whose cruelty he pretended not to see the depths of, no matter how often he was reminded.

The one place Regulus usually considered himself to be safe from such horrors was his dorm room at Hogwarts. His four-poster bed was his alone, and he cherished having the space to himself away from the harsh reality that washed further over Regulus day by day. So it was a grave disappointment to be yanked from this place of safety and bliss by a most unwelcome intruder late one night.

"That brother of yours has done it now!" The poison dripped into Regulus' ear like the grease dripping from Snape's hair.

"Whatever he's done, it's nothing to do with me." Regulus peeled Snape's hand from his arm, glancing around the dimly lit room to be sure his roommates hadn't been roused.

"It will be when they expel him!" That had Regulus' attention. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and took in Snape's full appearance. He wasn't just greasy, he was soaked. And clearly seething, paler than Regulus thought it possible for a person to be. "They won't have a choice, they'll have to. Him and his friends, especially the half-breed!"

Snape's voice was at risk of being raised, and though he was probably spouting nonsense, Regulus didn't much feel like having the other boys overhear. Selwyn already gave him enough grief about his brother's choice of company, without giving him any more reason to complain. Regulus stalked away from Snape, turning at the door expectantly.

"If I'm going to listen to this, I'm not doing it here." Severus didn't even argue for once, which was the second surprise Regulus had that night.

He listened to Snape recount his night out on the grounds. Sirius had told him to follow Lupin down to the Whomping Willow. Lupin being a werwolf. The rest of them turning into animals. He seemed almost as offended that they would make a secret of becoming unregistered animagi as he was by Lupin's condition, though frankly Regulus found that the easiest part to believe. It was exactly the kind of thing his brother and his ridiculous friends would get themselves into.

A _werewolf_ , though. Would Sirius really get himself involved in that? Once when they were little, his brother had told him that he was going to track down a werewolf they could keep as a pet, but he doubted very much that Sirius even remembered that now. Lately, it seemed that Sirius didn't remember anything he and Regulus had talked about when they were younger. Their plans to run away together, or how Sirius swore to always protect him. Those conversations had certainly slipped Sirius' mind.

Still, if it was true, it explained certain things. Like the summer after second year when Sirius had begged him to try out a spell on Regulus. After leading him to the bathroom mirror, it suddenly occurred to Regulus that he should have asked if it was going to hurt before agreeing. It hadn't, of course. But Sirius had turned his ears to those of a golden retriever. Regulus had expected him to laugh, but he was far too proud of himself for that. He made Regulus stand there, poked and prodded as he scribbled down notes. If he really was turning himself into a dog like Snape said, that had obviously been his experimentation period. It also explained Sirius' sudden interest in the Hogwarts library at around the same time. 

Regulus wondered if he ought to try and cover for his brother. Would Sirius cover for _him_? Regardless, he couldn't let Snape go around telling everybody what he was telling Regulus. He didn't know if they would believe Snape but perhaps Sirius _would_ be expelled like he said, and then what? Regulus might never see him again. Thankfully, it turned out not to be necessary for Regulus to take any action, because one of the prefects appeared in the corridor while Snape was still ranting about how arrogant Potter was, and how he would probably want himself knighted now.

"Professor Dumbledore needs to speak to you, Snape." Snape grimaced, and made no move to follow this direction, so the prefect in question quickly added, "Now," with a manicured hand on her hip.

Snape took off through the dungeons, hair still dripping onto the stone as he strode away. Thankfully, the prefect was a friend of Regulus', so he wasn't too worried about being caught out of bed so late. Willa Broadmoor raised a carefully drawn eyebrow at Regulus, but asked no immediate questions.

"Come on, Reggie. Back to bed before I have to deduct house points."

"Yeah, alright." He rubbed at the back of his neck, not knowing if he should be glad Dumbledore had called Snape to his office or not. Perhaps he would keep Snape quiet. After all, if there was a werewolf in the castle, Dumbledore had to know about it, right?

Regulus' mother said that Dumbledore knew everything that went on, because he had spies in every nook and cranny of Wizarding Society. He was at the heart of the Ministry corruption in her view, which actually might work in his brother's favour this time. Dumbledore would keep Lupin's secret, and would probably then be forced to keep Sirius' as well. Of course, there was the slight possibility that Lupin had managed to sneak his condition past the headmaster, and was _actually_ on the brink of expulsion. That didn't bear thinking about.

"What are you so worried about?" Willa asked, amusement on her face as they crossed the common room together. She paused at the bottom of the staircase, clearly in the mood to interrogate Regulus as she folded her arms across her chest.

"Nothing... Astronomy essay." He had to give the girl some kind of answer, or he'd never hear the end of it. She would recruit Carmen Ollerton to her pursuit and they'd both be at his neck all week.

"Oh," She accepted the answer, though made no attempt to hide how much it bored her, "you can copy mine over breakfast. But then, what did Snape want?"

"Oh, it's—er... _That_ stuff." 'That stuff' was code for any conversation pertaining to the Dark Lord and his growing number of followers. Regulus actually wasn't involved in it as much as Snape and his cousin Bellatrix were, but the implication was enough to stop Carmen and Willa asking too many questions. Anything he learned about Voldemort from the older students and his cousin had to be kept top secret, and Regulus was fine with that.

"I do wish you'd tell us about that stuff, Reggie. We might like it." Them liking it was very much what Regulus was afraid of. He wasn't entirely sure _he_ liked it yet, and didn't want to drag the girls into anything before he was sure it was a good idea. Willa leaned over to kiss his cheek before climbing the stairs to the girls' dormitory.

Over breakfast the next morning, Regulus did copy Willa's astronomy essay. She leaned across the long table, arm worming violently between the stacked silver plates to point out things he should change. Next to her, Carmen complained about her every movement, being that she was in the middle of plaiting Willa's long blonde hair. She tugged Willa back into place by her hair several times, which would elicit a yelp from her friend each time. Regulus made his best attempt to listen to her directions through the fuss, though his mind was understandably elsewhere.

Snape had not shown to breakfast. Of course, it was entirely possible that he'd been one of the first in the Great Hall, and Regulus had missed him. It was also possible that Dumbledore had kept Snape up so late hearing his twisted tale that he was still in bed sleeping, and would descend upon the Slytherin table any moment. Regulus' eyes kept darting to the entrance, but nothing.

It was some relief, at least, to see that Sirius and his friends had not been thrown out in the night, having all shown up to breakfast at a similar time to Regulus. There was definitely something amiss with them though, and if Regulus had needed any confirmation of Snape's reliability, that was it. Potter and Pettigrew sat in the middle of the Gryffindor table, talking to each other with ducked heads. Meanwhile, Sirius and Lupin occupied seats at opposite ends of the hall. Each of them looked as gloomy the other and it dawned on Regulus that he had definitely not heard the last of the situation. The implications of Snape's story beyond expulsion fell into place before Regulus. If Sirius had told Snape Lupin's secret, then Lupin had surely cast him aside. Had Pettigrew and Potter done the same? Was Lupin cross with them, too? Whatever the case, it was getting too close to summer for Regulus to leave it alone. 


	2. Chapter 2

After a week, there still seemed to be no improvement in Lupin's temperament. Regulus had been reading all he could about werewolves in the library, so had at first attributed this to post-moon mood swings. But he had never seen Sirius so isolated from the group. Even Potter and Pettigrew still weren't speaking to him. That was just the first of Regulus' concerns. Not that he had any attachment to the boorish Gryffindors, but Sirius had run away from home the previous summer. It was unlikely he would be welcomed back at Grimmauld Place without any screaming matches, and as much as Regulus would like to pretend he didn't care what his brother did anymore, he couldn't help but think the worst. Images of Sirius alone on the streets, or finding himself in danger flooded the youngest Black's mind.

His second concern was also, unfortunately, for his brother's welfare. Now that Regulus knew he was running about the castle with a werewolf, he couldn't help but wonder the safety of such a set-up. His reading told him that werewolves had to register with the Ministry, that they were taken away at the full moon and locked up for the safety of everybody, magical and muggle. Snape's story about the Whomping Willow didn't exactly add up with that, and Sirius' involvement made less sense still.

And if Sirius had _angered_ the werewolf, where did that leave him?

No, after a week of his brother's tortured silence, Regulus decided that he had to step in for both of their sakes. Only, getting Sirius alone proved far more difficult than one might assume with Sirius isolated from his friends. For a start, Regulus still had _his_ friends. Willa and Carmen would drag him around with their arms linked, giving him no chance to scope their surroundings. And when he wasn't with the girls, Snape was bothering him. Though his midnight chat with Dumbledore seemed to be keeping him quiet, that didn't stop Snape from complaining to Regulus any chance he got. His only reprieve was when Snape decided he had to warn that muggleborn girl he was always bothering. She was no more interested than Regulus, but at least it gave him a break from Snape's broken record.

Regulus almost got his brother alone one night, on his way to the astronomy tower. Sirius was skulking around the corridors. Regulus thought perhaps he was leaving a detention, or else avoiding his friends. Either way, the eldest Black brother seemed to disappear when Regulus followed. He checked around all of the corners he had passed, but must have lost track of Sirius around the moving staircases.

Eventually, he had to concede that talking to Sirius wasn't going to be the solution this time. It would have to be one of the others. Lupin was a non-starter. Even before finding out that he was a werewolf, Remus scared him. During Sirius' first year, he had written to Regulus and told him all about the friends he'd made. When it came to Remus, he talked about how clever Remus was, and how many great ideas he had. What he failed to mention were the great big scars covering Lupin's face and hands. That all made sense now, but when Regulus boarded the Hogwarts express for the first time, he had spent more time than he'd admit wondering how a twelve-year-old had come by so many scars. It hadn't helped that Lupin seemed just as unsure of Regulus, obviously well-versed in the horror stories Sirius had told about their family.

That just left Regulus with Potter or Pettigrew. From there, his decision came down to convenience. Both he and Potter played quidditch, which meant they crossed paths on a somewhat regular basis. Potter was always out on the pitch when he wasn't with his friends, and Gryffindor's practices often fell just before or after Slytherin's. All Regulus had to do was find some reason to be alone with Potter, that way nobody would overhear them discussing Lupin.

His opportunity came almost three weeks after the incident. Sirius looked worse than ever, and Lupin no closer to forgiving him. Potter was alone on the pitch, and Regulus hid in the changing room. It was a dank little room, and most of the players preferred to change in the dorms or prefects' bathroom, but he'd been watching Potter for long enough to know that he'd make a stop there before he went back to the castle.

Just like clockwork, Potter sauntered in, broom slung over his shoulder.

"Oh, erm... Regulus. Hi." Potter always called him by his first name, and it infuriated him.

It hadn't, at first. Back when he'd been eager to follow in Sirius' footsteps, he was relieved that his brothers' friends were nice to him. Or rather, Potter was nice to him, and Pettigrew and Lupin tolerated him, clearly wary of somebody sharing Sirius' last name. That changed when Sirius ran away from home. He'd made comments before, referred to Potter as 'like a brother' to him. When he'd run away, Potter welcomed him with open arms into his home and his family. Suddenly, everything Sirius' new _brother_ did infuriated Regulus. When Gryffindor beat Slytherin in a match, it felt personal. And when he saw Potter with his arm thrown around Sirius' neck, Regulus felt the magic prickling in his fingertips with annoyance.

But _now_ he needed to keep his calm.

"Potter." That was the best he could do. He was hardly going to start calling him 'James'.

"Did you want something?" James asked, but not in an unkind way. Regulus had made no attempt to make himself look busy, facing the doorway Potter had entered through with his hands in his pockets. With no reason to know Regulus would be waiting for him, it wasn't strange that Potter would be caught off-guard.

"Is he dangerous?" The question came out before he could think better of it. It _had_ been on his mind, though.

"Is _who_ dangerous?" If Potter knew that he knew, he wasn't letting on. Instead, he busied himself with tidying away the equipment he'd been practicing with. His back was turned to Regulus, which bolstered him to push on.

"Lupin. The werewolf." _That_ had his attention. Potter whirled around, hand going straight for his wand. Regulus reflexively reached for his own, now in a stand off.

"Keep your voice down!" Potter hissed, craning his neck around to make sure there was nobody in earshot.

"Fine. Muffliato." Regulus cast the silencing spell that Snape had taught him back before Lucius had married Narcissa, when he'd still been trying to get into the good books of any Black he could, excluding Sirius of course. Potter's face crumpled in confused for a moment, but he must have understood the spell's purpose because he didn't complain when Regulus repeated his question. "Is Lupin dangerous?"

"No. No more than you or me." It didn't seem to occur to Potter how ridiculous that statement was. Nor he or Regulus could rip a man to shreds and have no memory of it in the morning. "Snape told you, then?" At this, he at least had the decency to convey the shame he must have been feeling at his involvement. It was odd, Regulus thought. Under normal circumstances if Potter had done something to save somebody's life, it would have been all the student population discussed for months. Potter would have anointed himself in the water of the lake and paraded through the Great Hall to be adored by all. His discretion only went to show how serious they all were about keeping Lupin's secret.

"I don't think he's told anybody else, if that's what you're worried about. Dumbledore got to him before he could even tell me everything."

"He told you what Remus is, though." Regulus couldn't help but notice that Potter's wand was still pointing at him, and wondered absently if he was planning on practicing some memory charm on him.

"Yes. Told me what _you_ are, too."

"What do you want, Regulus?" Regulus' hand faltered, feeling his confidence wavering for the first time. As he'd played out this conversation in his head, Potter hadn't asked him that. What could he say without sounding like a simpering child, begging him to be friends with Sirius again so that his brother wouldn't have to face their volatile mother in the summer?

"This is all Lupin's fault. If you're going to side with anybody, it shouldn't be him."

"Have you talked to Sirius?" James narrowed his eyes as though Regulus had seriously misunderstood the situation, but as far as he could see, there was only one dark creature in the Gryffindor dorms.

"No! I'm not an idiot!" Nobody ever gave Regulus credit for being as observant as he was. Not that he sought praise and adoration the way his brother and Potter did. He was losing sight of the conversation, wondering where his chance to convince Potter had gone. Light flickered at the end of his wand, which shocked Regulus as much as it did Potter.

When he'd been little, it was one of the unfortunate ways his magic first showed itself. Whenever he and Sirius had been fighting, or if Bellatrix made him particularly mad, sparks would fly from his fingertips. Sirius had found this particular quirk hilarious. Their mother less so, slapping at Regulus' elbows whenever he'd tuck his hands up inside his sleeves in an attempt to smother the flame. She wasn't cross about the magic, just that he'd ruined his nice shirts. Since using his wand, it happened less and less often, but Potter was clearly inspiring _something_ in him.

He had to give it to Potter, his reaction time wasn't bad. Though the magic never moved itself in his direction, he cast a shield before Regulus had time to defend his actions with words.

"If you open your mouth about Remus, I'll-" Regulus didn't let him finish this threat, interjecting.

"I don't care about the werewolf, you idiot!" Of course Potter would assume that he was going to spread their secret around the school like Snape wanted to. They all thought the same about Slytherins, and who was Regulus to disappoint them? Ignoring the faint sound of footsteps, Regulus thrust his wand forward in a quick jabbing motion, attempting to pull down Potter's shield.

Quick as ever, Potter responded, blocking and then returning the volley with his own flash of yellow light. Behind him, Professor Slughorn had appeared in the doorway. His face deflated at the scene before him, fumbling about his tweed jacket for his own wand to put a stop to the duel. Seeing that Regulus' attention was no longer on him, Potter turned to face their Professor, quickly tucking away his wand.

"Boys!" Slughorn chastised, hands still flailing by his sides. Regulus had noticed on more than one occasion that his exasperation often outweighed his words when it came to disciplining students.

"Sorry, Professor." They both muttered at the same time, then Regulus glared at Potter.

"I really expect better from you boys. James, you're in sixth year now! Jinxing younger students..." Regulus didn't bother to point out that Potter hadn't actually jinxed him, too uncomfortable when the attention finally turned to him. "And Regulus..." Slughorn left it at that. As a seasoned Professor, he knew that it would be enough to show his disappointment in Regulus, one of his favourite students.

"It won't happen again, sir." Potter promised, now the picture of a model student. It made Regulus want to throttle him, the muggle way since he and Sirius were so intent on acting like them.

"No, no. Well, I could do with some help after classes today. The second years have been brewing up a treat, which I'm sure you'll make quick work of cleaning up." A detention was preferable to losing points, at least. If he lost points, the other Slytherins would be angry with him. They wouldn't _say_ so, owing to his highborn place in society and on the Quidditch team, but he would still _know_. Beside him, he could hear Potter trying to worm his way out of it, but Regulus had very much resigned himself to his fate. Perhaps it would give him another chance to mend things between Potter and his brother.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some mentions of Walburga's treatment of Sirius in this chapter, so be safe besties!

Scrubbing cauldrons for Slughorn was one of the more tolerable detentions a student could have at Hogwarts, in Regulus' opinion. He had heard about students dragged into the forbidden forest to wrangle pixies, or have Binns dictate something to them. Regulus wasn't in the habit of getting detentions, either. Sirius said it was because he was too much of a people pleaser, and didn't like to disappoint the Professors.

In his opinion, it had more to do with the fact that he didn't galavant around the castle charming first years' robes pink like _some_ people he could mention. However, on one of the few occasions that Regulus did land himself in detention, Sirius happened to be there too. He told Regulus that Slughorn only patrolled around the castle when he needed somebody to clean up his classroom. Given that he'd caught Regulus kissing Carmen in greenhouse number three (something they had both agreed never to mention again) and Sirius smoking in the owlery, that rang true. But on that occasion, Sirius had also let him in on a little secret. Slughorn always 'popped out' of detentions, without fail. And then Sirius would take the opportunity to scourgify the cauldrons and save his wrists the effort of scrubbing.

"You can't do that, he'll know!" Regulus had complained at the time, putting his arms in front of his own cauldron to stop Sirius finishing the job for him.

"How? I've been doing it since second year, and he's never noticed." That hadn't been enough to convince Regulus. He could have been lying, trying to trick Regulus to get him into even more trouble. At school, it wasn't as though the consequences were quite as dire as at home, and Regulus thought maybe Sirius would revel in getting his brother _another_ detention. But lo and behold, Slughorn has returned an hour later and complimented Sirius on the gleaming cauldrons. Sirius always seemed to get away with things like that. He was far less cautious than his brother, but perhaps that was just because things had a way of working themselves out for Sirius. 

During his detention with Potter, Regulus didn't turn to magic the moment Slughorn left the room. Nor did his unwilling companion. They had both been given time to calm down after their slight altercation earlier that day, and Regulus made the conscious decision to push his wand across the desk before attempting conversation again, lest Potter get the wrong idea.

"Look, I'm not going to tell anybody about Lupin."

"Right." Potter didn't seem very impressed by that statement. Regulus just wanted him to know that he wasn't a _threat_ , if that was why he'd turned so hostile towards him. It was more likely to do with Regulus' out of control magic, but there wasn't very much he could do about that. 

"It's just... Sirius is stupid, and he talks without thinking." Regulus tried to keep the pleading out of his voice, though Potter obviously saw through it. He softened, putting down the cauldron he'd been working on and giving Regulus his attention once he realised his intentions. 

"It's not my place to forgive him, Reg." _Reg_ was even more irritating than Regulus, but he wouldn't comment on that.

"Yes, it is. Leave it between him and Lupin if Lupin wants to stay mad." Potter shook his head.

"You don't get it. Remus could've killed Sni— Snape."

"I'm sure we'd have all enjoyed the peace." Regulus muttered, but Potter didn't find it funny. It was clear he wasn't going to budge. He wasn't going to forgive Sirius until Lupin had. And if he'd failed to get anywhere with Potter, he had no chance of getting through to Lupin. Finally using his wand to clean the cauldrons, Regulus kicked back from the desk and stood. Potter looked up at the screeching of the stool, but Regulus was no longer paying attention to him.

A benefit of being one of Slughorn's favourite students was that Regulus had pretty open access to the head of Slytherin's collection of books. He didn't often take advantage of it, unless he was trying to get in the Professor's good books, or was really struggling with something in class. He wasn't the kind of wizard that liked to innovate new spells like Snape and his brother were, it just didn't interest him. So the theoretical books didn't have much in them that appealed to Regulus. But if Potter wasn't going to forgive Sirius before summer rolled around, that gave Regulus a new objective. He would find a spell that would help Sirius to have a more bearable summer, should he be forced to return to Grimmauld Place. Maybe then, he wouldn't leave again. Regulus had tried to do it a few summers ago, but that was before being invited to the Slug Club, and the Hogwarts library hadn't proved particularly illuminating to a second year. Even with Slughorn's personal collection, he wasn't exactly sure what he was looking for.

His first thought was prevention. Running around with a werewolf, Sirius probably knew more healing spells and potions than Regulus could find in such a short timespan. The thought briefly crossed his mind to look for shielding spells, though he wouldn't like to imagine how Walburga Black would react to having her 'discipline' blocked. No, that would only cause more problems. If Sirius was going to be at home, the summer would probably be as explosive as his last at home had been. His attempts to diffuse the situations had never been very effective, and Sirius had never let him take the blame for anything in their childhood no matter how often Regulus tried to.

If he could find a way for Sirius to stop paying attention to her, but still be physically present, that would help. That way, he wouldn't feel the need to argue with every opinion Walburga voiced. If he could somehow tuck away his mind elsewhere, like a portable pensieve, then the summer might even be fun for Sirius. He flicked through books, skimming paragraph after paragraph for the words 'teleport', 'vacant', and 'splitting', anything he thought might be relevant. He also considered some kind of salve, something Sirius could put on his arms that might spare him of the pain, if it came down to that.

"What are you doing?" Potter asked him, and Regulus felt guilty. He knew that he wasn't supposed to be rifling through Slughorn's things without asking first, but he couldn't explain to Potter that it was _his_ fault, that he'd helped Sirius cause such a huge rift with his parents and was now thrusting him back into the firing line.

"Nothing. Mind your own business." Regulus did make sure to find an innocuous book to hide the others inside as he read though. Lots of them were concerned with Dark Arts, and he didn't want Potter getting any ideas about his intentions. Snape might have been obsessed with that stuff, but Regulus _wasn't._ It was in Secrets of the Darkest Art that he finally found something useful. There were pages ripped out, which caught his attention, but when he looked closer, the word 'splitting' was used several times on the page that remained on the topic, so it felt as though he'd struck gold.

** The Horcrux **

The title was in large black letters, and given that the next unripped page had another title, Regulus had to assume the rest of the section on horcruxes had been ripped out by Slughorn or another student. Worried the Professor might be back any moment, he tucked the book back onto the shelf where it had been. The remaining page mentioned immortality anyway, so it probably wasn't what he was looking for.

Jumping down from where he'd been sitting cross-legged on Slughorn's desk, Regulus made one final attempt to clear the air with Potter. Being nice to him wouldn't get him to forgive Sirius. But if Potter was busy thinking about how annoying Sirius' little brother was, it might slow things down even more and he didn't want that. 

"You don't have to tell Lupin that I know. I really won't tell anybody." Potter considered this, and while he didn't outwardly agree to keep it between them, he looked grateful for the option not to start that particular conversation. With Lupin so mad, Regulus couldn't blame him for that. It was bad enough watching the theatrics from across the Great Hall, thinking about the tension that must have been hanging over their dorm room didn't bear thinking about. If Sirius was lurking around the school corridors just to avoid going back there, then Potter was probably grateful to be in detention with Regulus away from it all. If he told Lupin that Regulus knew about him, would he tell Sirius too? Regulus wasn't sure he wanted Sirius to know. It would only give his brother more reason to distrust him. 

"You don't have to tell Sirius either," he added earnestly. James smiled at that, and Regulus was sure that this would be kept between them. 


	4. Chapter 4

For three more days, Regulus scoured endless library books and those that had been a birthday gift from Narcissa and Lucius for anything that might help Sirius. There had been a few promising spells, but nothing that he thought would convince Sirius it would be in his best interest to return home. The girls had noticed his sudden need to read at mealtimes and during lessons, but said nothing to begin with. Whenever Regulus pulled out a new book, they simply exchanged knowing glances, probably assuming it had something to do with the 'meetings' in Hogsmeade that Regulus had made excuses not to go to.

"Reggie, come on! You're being boring!" Carmen prodded at his stomach, trying to pull his attention away from the charms book he'd found in Binns' classroom. The three of them were lounging underneath a tree, Regulus' head in Willa's lap as she read aloud the quizzes in Witch Weekly. According to the latest one, she was most suited to be a healer when she left Hogwarts, while Carmen should really be thinking about journalism. But since they had finished their magazine, Regulus obviously had to cast aside his book too.

"Can't I finish this chapter?"

"Depends. Are you going to read it out loud in a sexy voice?" At that, Regulus wrinkled his nose and closed the book. He hated when they said things like that, and that was exactly why they insisted on saying things like _that_. Pleased that she had won the battle for his attention, Carmen flopped down beside Regulus. "Hogsmeade weekend this week."

"So?" Regulus turned his head to face her, which Willa took as an invitation to play with his hair.

"So, are you going?" He knew what she was asking, but wasn't going to talk about that. Instead, he hoped he sounded casual when he answered.

"Haven't decided yet, are you two?" The two girls looked at each other.

"We are, but you can't come with us." Willa answered and tapped the end of Regulus' nose when he looked up at her. "Girl things." That was code for 'don't ask any more questions', and Regulus often wished there were an equivalent for boys that he could take advantage of.

"I'll probably stay here then. The dorm will be quiet without Selwyn and Shafiq around." Carmen pouted, put out at the suggestion that Regulus would be left all alone at the castle while they were out doing whatever it was they did together, but Willa didn't relent.

"You could do a lot worse than hanging out with Malfoy, you know? Daddy says that he's very good to do business with." Carmen Ollerton's father inherited his fortune through the Cleansweep Company, but Regulus doubted that was the business he was referring to. Among the pureblood families, there were certain things that went on, referred to as 'business', that remained a mystery to Regulus. They almost definitely involved money, since all of the families Regulus' father did 'business' with were wealthy, but he hadn't quite worked out where it all came from. Nearing his sixteenth birthday, he thought it was really about time that his father explained those things to him. When they were younger, Sirius would get to go to work with him occasionally. Letting him in on family secrets, training up the heir. Regulus' life was a lot simpler when Sirius was the Black heir.

"He's not very..." Both girls looked at him as he tried to find the right word. Nice? He certainly wasn't that, but it wasn't Regulus' biggest problem with Lucius. "Genuine."

"Maybe you just don't know him well enough yet." Willa suggested, while Carmen pointed out that he liked Narcissa and _she_ liked Lucius. That was true. But he didn't think Narcissa was very genuine when she was with Lucius, either. Not like when they were kids. Before Andromeda ran off with the muggle.

As it turned out, the girls had been right. He _could_ do worse than hang out with Malfoy. Hanging out with Snape was definitely worse.

As usual, Lucius had owled both of them on the Saturday morning, requesting that they meet him at The Hog's Head around lunchtime. This had started fairly innocently in Regulus' third year. Lucius was about to marry Narcissa and wanted to get to know the family better, he said. He remembered Snape from his school days, hence his invitation. In the beginning, they had discussed Narcissa, their families, and so on. Snape drank in the information thirstily, just pleased to be at the table. Regulus thought that was sad, honestly. From there, conversations shifted to Dumbledore and Ministry corruption, his mother's favourite subjects. It was like being home again and for the most part, Regulus just listened obediently as he did at home. The one occasion he remembered leading the conversation was at the end of his third year when the Ministry had thrown out an appeal to free the House Elves. Even as he ranted, he knew that Snape and Malfoy didn't care about the elves, but he had been simmering all morning and couldn't help himself. Thankfully, they had merely watched on curiously.

By the beginning of Regulus' fifth year, it had become all too clear that Malfoy was molding them for their first meeting with the one he called the Dark Lord. Regulus had attempted to mention this casually in a letter home but given that Sirius had _just_ left, his mother was only too pleased to hear that her 'only' son was making such strong connections.

"Of course, you can't apparate on the grounds, but we'll sort something out." Lucius said as Regulus made himself zone back into the conversation happening in front of him. He actually couldn't apparate anywhere yet, since he was only in fifth year, but he didn't bother pointing that out.

"There are more than enough routes out of the castle." Snape piped in, as though that wasn't obvious to all of them. Even after all this time, he was eager to please, though Regulus didn't think he was necessarily eager to please Malfoy. Malfoy was just his _in_. Being a halfblood, he'd need an in to get anywhere near the Dark Lord. It was so unbearable to watch that Regulus almost wished he had begged the girls to let him tag along instead. The last time he had seen them, they'd been outside Madam Puddifoot's. Maybe if he left then, he'd be able to catch up with them.

"Have you given the summer any more thought, Regulus?" On average, Lucius asked Regulus three questions during their little get-togethers. The first was to catch up, hear any relevant news. The second was after he'd been talking for a long time, to make sure Regulus had been listening which he often wasn't. And the third was always the same. Was he ready yet? "He's getting impatient."

"I know, I just have some questions." Malfoy really perked up then. Any sign of interest from Regulus, and it was as though Snape stopped existing.

"That's only natural," his whole demeanour changed, clasping his hands together and smiling across the table, "what kind of questions?" Regulus didn't know what was worse, Snape sucking up to him, or him plastering on fake smiles to convince Regulus to be a good little pureblood boy.

"Well, if he ousts Dumbledore from the Ministry, and the Minister is replaced... Obviously, that's good." Up to that point, Regulus did agree. "But what happens then? There's the pureblood stuff, but what about all of the day to day things?" He didn't feel particularly strongly about the Blood Laws his family wanted introduced one way or the other. Honestly, he'd never talked much to anybody who was muggleborn. They all stayed away from him at school, which was fine by him. When the girls got into fights, he would step in, but he didn't go chasing them down the way Snape and Barty Crouch did.

"Change doesn't happen overnight, Cousin." Lucius said to the boy who was not his cousin. "You haven't long left at school, perhaps you could be Minister some day." If Regulus was going to become Minister, it would be with the express intention of setting all of the elves free, and then he wouldn't care for the power anymore. It was an idea that appealed to him when he was little, but as he got older just seemed more trouble than it was worth.

Not happy with being pushed out of the conversation, Snape rose from his seat and went to replenish their drinks. Without Snape obscuring his view, Regulus spotted somebody at a far corner table. Or rather, he spotted four somebodies. Not the same buzzing atmosphere that usually occupied the group, but there they were. Sirius and his friends, all chatting around one table. Lupin was sitting next to Sirius, even. Pettigrew was talking, pointing eagerly at something on the table that Regulus couldn't make out. 

When he returned, Snape followed his eye-line and frowned. Worried he might say something in front of Lucius, if he hadn't already blabbed in one of the hundreds of letters he sent to the man, Regulus fixed him with a stern glare. If Sirius had made up with his friends, that hypothetically put an end to all of Regulus' worries. The last thing he needed was Snape reminding them of why they'd fallen out, or sending Malfoy after Lupin. Whether because he was taking notice of Regulus for once, or because he'd already told Malfoy, Snape didn't mention Lupin or his friends. Conversation moved back to the practicalities of Snape meeting the Dark Lord, and Regulus focused on keeping the disappointment that Sirius wasn't going home at bay. 


	5. Chapter 5

At the beginning of Regulus' first year, he had been terrified that Sirius wouldn't speak to him again after his sorting. This belief was furthered by the fact that he didn't seem able to find his brother for nearly two full days after they arrived at the castle. Though, in Sirius' defence, Regulus had trouble finding _anything_ for a while. In a castle with moving stairs and hundreds of passageways, he really thought they ought to hand out maps to first years. Regulus had taken to walking with his hand on the wall like he was in a maze, hoping to find Sirius that way. Eventually though, he had found a small passageway behind some barrels and discovered the haven that was the Hogwarts kitchen. He'd known before he arrived that the kitchen was run by house elves, but he couldn't have imagined just how many would be there. Hundreds of elves moved in perfect synchronicity, a feat that Regulus found most impressive.

At home, Regulus never asked Kreacher to do anything for him. He'd talk to the house elf often of course, but was careful not to make requests once he was old enough to understand that Kreacher couldn't deny him. He always worried that he'd be making Kreacher do something that he didn't want to, and that the house elf would grow to hate him. When he got to Hogwarts, he extended this same courtesy to the elves there.

The first time that Regulus walked into the kitchen, he was overwhelmed by how _warm_ and bright it was. He'd never seen anything like it. Elves whizzed around the kitchen with stacked plates and steaming puddings while whistling away happily. Worried he'd offend them if he turned down any more food after the gargantuan feast, Regulus had kept to the far side of the room. At a small round table was the most wrinkled and hunched elf Regulus had ever seen. By nature, house elves were usually wrinkled, so he'd never given the ageing process much thought, but the second he saw this elf he had known that he was 'over the hill', to put it politely.

The elf was so old that he had forgotten his own name. In fact, the elf was _so_ old that none of the other kitchen elves seemed to know his name either. He wore thick glasses over clouded eyes, thin wire wrapped around his big ears. When he first met Regulus, he had mistaken the boy for a lost Hufflepuff, and given him directions to the common room. Regulus tucked away that information for later, and pulled up a seat beside him. Early in his second year, Regulus realised that though the old elf always had a copy of the Daily Prophet in his shaking hands, he could no longer read the text. From then on, he'd sneak in whenever he could to read to his new friend. By his fifth year, Regulus was almost a permanent fixture in the kitchen after dinner. He'd read to the elves, or help them clean on the rare occasion that they would let him. Once, Sirius and his friends had barged in demanding food, to find him elbow deep in dishwater. Sirius had laughed so hard he almost wet himself.

Towards the end of that April, Regulus sauntered into the kitchen, very pleased with himself. In anticipation of the Quidditch Cup, the houses had begun a week of 'friendly' inter-house matches and Regulus had just caught the golden snitch, bagging a win against Ravenclaw. Sensing his glee, some of the elves gave a small cheer but Regulus could tell that the atmosphere in the kitchen wasn't anywhere near the jovial scenes he'd left in the Slytherin common room.

"What's the matter?" He asked Hattie, an elf that spent most of her time brewing pumpkin juice. At the question, she began mopping her face with a hankie, voice incoherent as she wailed. Regulus looked around the kitchen. Several other elves were teary-eyed too. More alarmingly, the table in the corner was empty with no Prophet in sight. "Where is he?"

Hattie was still hysterical but between what he heard from her and another elf, Regulus gathered that he had died the previous night. He didn't know what happened to elves when they died, if they had funerals like people did. Walburga had the head of Kreacher's mother mounted above a door back home, but that couldn't be normal. He didn't know if there were house elf graveyards, but he knew that he was angry Hattie had to stir pumpkin juice for the ungrateful staff and students of Hogwarts instead of being allowed to grieve for her comrade.

Regulus was drowning in homework, but made time to write a long letter to Kreacher that evening at dinner. Kreacher wasn't _that_ old, for a house elf at least, but Regulus thought he should start making his appreciation to the elf better known regardless.

"I can't believe you're really writing to a house elf." Carmen said, which Regulus ignored.

"I didn't know they could read." Willa mused. "Ours can't even speak properly half the time."

"Well maybe if you talked to them once in a while, instead of ordering them around..." Regulus grumbled, scowling at the girls. He wasn't really cross with them personally. It was everybody. Here they sat, enjoying the daily feasts prepared by elves most of them would never even speak to. It was a thankless task and Regulus decided he wasn't going to participate. Instead, he'd finish off his letter and post it during dinner time, giving him plenty of time for homework afterwards. He might even have time to squeeze in a quick practice on the pitch before bed.

"You've got to eat something, Reggie." The girls would croon, wafting their forks in his face. He was very much not in the mood, and only hoped that his bad mood didn't make its way into the words on his parchment. Thankfully, he had calmed down somewhat by the time he'd stomped all the way up to the owlery. His eagle owl, Germana, chirped happily when she spotted him and Regulus let her hop onto his shoulder and hoot very close to his ear for a while. He sat down on the cold stone ground, reading back the letter in his hands.

He knew that it was possible he'd overreacted, or at the very least misdirected his anger. It wasn't the girls' fault that they ate food prepared by elves that had no say in their service. It was Dumbledore's. If he wanted to free the elves at Hogwarts, he could. As Chief Warlock, he could probably free every elf in Britain if he wanted to. He wondered if Dumbledore even knew about the dead elf, or if he knew the names of _any_ of the elves in the kitchen. Regulus didn't know everything about politics, but he knew that Dumbledore wasn't the saint everybody made him out to be.

"Heard you're on hunger strike." The voice came from the top of the long staircase, not out of breath at all. As a chaser, Potter needed stamina.

"Shame people don't have anything more interesting to talk about." Even if he'd calmed down, Regulus still wasn't in the mood to deal with _Potter,_ of all people.

Potter laughed at Regulus' comment and if he'd been more self involved, Regulus might have asked if Potter had followed him up to the owlery. Answering the unasked question, he pulled out a shrunken stack of letters from his pocket and returned them to their intended size. Regulus pretended not to watch, letting Germana nibble at his fingers playfully.

Though he absolutely did not like James Potter, he couldn't help being interested. What was so great about him, that made his housemates treat him like royalty? He couldn't chalk it all up to his quidditch skills, because their loyalty seemed unwavering even when Gryffindor lost. And Sirius had chosen _him_. Yet James Potter wasn't even the kind of person to spend time with his owl before sending it out on an errand. Regulus waited for him to leave, but he seemed to think better of it and stood awkwardly with his hands in the pockets of his muggle jeans.

"What's the deal with house elves?" Potter asked, showing the idiot that he was.

"What's the _deal_ with them?" Regulus was careful not to raise his voice with Germana on his shoulder, though she hopped off at his tone anyway. "Apart from that they make our every meal and nobody even notices when one of them dies?" He was scowling, and was aware that the whining paired with sitting on the floor probably gave him the image of a petulant toddler, but he didn't really care if that was what Potter thought of him. Potter shrugged.

"That's fair, I guess." He sat down across from Regulus and Germana flapped over to him. Traitor. Potter stroked her head, but kept his eyes on Regulus. "Can I suggest something, though?"

"I've a feeling you're going to anyway."

"I won't if you don't want me to. Don't want to get my head bitten off."

"Go on, then." The arrogant prat probably just wanted Regulus to admit that he'd grown the tiniest bit curious about what he wanted to say.

"I don't think this is all really about the house elves."

"What are you, some kind of mind healer now?" Regulus rolled his eyes, but it didn't seem to put Potter off.

"You don't have to worry about Sirius, you know?" His voice was soft, and yet felt like a slap to the face. Regulus avoided meeting his eye, thinking of some comeback that would shut him up. It had never been the boy's forte but he couldn't just let _that_ settle in the air between them.

"It's not about Sirius." Regulus mumbled, and tried to squash the little voices in his head wondering if there was any truth to Potter's words. He _did_ care about the house elves and it wasn't as though he was ignoring his feelings about Sirius, there was just a lot going on in his life, most of which Potter couldn't begin to comprehend.

"'Kay then." The Gryffindor spoke in a tone that made it abundantly clear he didn't believe Regulus, which just reminded the younger boy how irritating he was. "For what it's worth though..."

James paused, waiting for Regulus to look his way before speaking again.

"As long as I'm around, nothing bad will happen to Sirius."

"It's not _your_ job to protect him." He said, a little more sure of himself now.

"It's not yours, either." Regulus didn't know what to say to that, so he opted not to say anything at all. James understood that he'd made him uncomfortable though, and stood up to leave, wiping the dust and feathers from his legs. Germana flapped her wings in protest, and he started to rummage in his pocket for something. Hopefully not his wand this time, because Regulus had left his in the dorm.

"If you hex me, I'll tell Sirius." Potter just laughed, and pulled out a chocolate bar from Honeydukes. He tossed it towards the seeker, who caught it easily.

"I want to win fair and square tomorrow," James told Regulus on his way out of the owlery, "and that can't happen if you're in the air starved half to death."


	6. Chapter 6

When a pillow hit Regulus' head, he groaned. He had been having a nice dream, though even as he thought that the details were beginning to slip away. He had definitely been in the greenhouses because he could still practically feel the hot sun kissing his skin, though who he was there with was a mystery. If he was going to complain about the disruption though, any thought of it dissipated when Regulus saw Shafiq's face.

Enver Shafiq played as beater on the Slytherin team, and took the game very seriously. On days they were playing, he would usually march Regulus down to the Great Hall and personally fill his plate to make sure he'd had a 'good breakfast'. Quidditch days were the only time Shafiq made any real effort to be friendly towards Regulus, but that didn't bother him in the slightest. He'd never had the easiest time making friends with the boys in Slytherin, even before he made friends with the girls. While the girls called him 'Reggie', and took great pleasure in petting him like a dog, the boys only ever called him 'Black', and he wasn't offended by their indifference. Their respect had been earned only by his abilities on the pitch and by nature of his blood, but the frolicking with the girls and fraternising with elves gave Regulus a certain reputation that they quietly disapproved of.

Since he was still refusing to eat in the Great Hall, Regulus evaded Shafiq and made his way down to the kitchen. Things seemed to be business as usual, though he faced less resistance than usual when he put together what he considered to be a 'good breakfast'. Shafiq wouldn't have been so liberal with the cream Regulus dolloped on top of strawberries, but it had always been a favourite of his.

By the time he dragged himself onto the pitch, Shafiq and most of the other Slytherins were already there. Up in the stalls, he could see Sirius and Potter talking to some of the Gryffindor team. The quidditch robes definitely suited Potter more than the muggle styles he'd been wearing the previous day, even if they were red and gold. Regulus noticed that the Gryffindor seeker hadn't shown up yet. Alistair Spinnet was a sixth year and had been on the Gryffindor team far longer than Regulus had been on the Slytherin one, though that didn't stop him beating the lion to the snitch every game they'd played that year. For one glorious moment, Regulus thought that perhaps he'd been scared off.

As it happened, Spinnet had _not_ been scared off. Madam Pomfrey had refused to let him play, according to Selwyn, though the exact reason changed each time he heard it mentioned. He stopped caring why Spinnet wasn't playing when he heard who was replacing him as seeker. Potter. He would be playing seeker while McKinnon played chaser. Regulus had never seen Potter play as seeker, so he didn't have any idea what he ought to expect from the game, but he suddenly wished he had stuck to Shafiq's strict breakfast regime.

The match started as any other did, Regulus circling slowly with one eye out for the snitch but mostly letting his teammates score some points below. Of course, if he spotted it then, he wouldn't let Potter beat him to the snitch but nobody really _wanted_ to end the match that early. Regulus' focus early in the game was knowing his surroundings. If he had everything in check, there would be less to think about when he finally caught sight of gold. That meant everything from noticing that Shafiq was playing more defensively than usual, with McKinnon on his tail, to watching with scorn as Potter waved to his adoring fans in the stands. Lupin was there, along with the muggleborn girl Snape had been friends with. She was pretending not to watch Potter. Not doing a very good job of pretending, but Regulus appreciated anybody who didn't feed his or Sirius' ego like that.

Half an hour in, he was scouring the air for the snitch. Slytherin were up by ten points, which technically put them in the lead but if Potter caught the snitch at that point, Gryffindor would take the game. Regulus was playing his preferred position, but he wouldn't let that advantage go to his head. From the corner of his eye, he could see Potter trailing behind him. Perhaps he thought Regulus had seen something, or perhaps he was just trying to psych him out. Hoping it was the former, Regulus dipped to see if Potter would follow. He did. When Regulus moved west, Potter did the same. He supposed it was a valid way of playing seeker, but that didn't make it less annoying.

Forty-five minutes in, Regulus' mind began to wander from the game. It was dangerous with Slytherin still less than thirty points ahead, but there was only so long he could look around for something that didn't seem to be there. While trying to lose Potter, Regulus had spotted Lucius Malfoy in the stands. It wasn't totally unheard of for old students to watch the matches, but they usually saved it for the important ones, and Lucius had never been that interested in quidditch before. If he was at Hogwarts, it was for something more important.

The question then, was who Lucius had intended to see. Regulus couldn't see Snape in the stands, not that he could do a full sweep without taking his eyes off the pitch for longer than was safe. Instead, he just kept an eye out whenever he passed by the Slytherin stands. Though Potter had by this point given up on tailing him, he seemed to notice Regulus' distraction.

"What are you doing?" Potter asked, coming up beside him. He ignored the question the first time, moving into the path of the other players so that it would be more difficult for Potter to keep up with him. He gave a quick glance to Malfoy, trying to see if the man was watching the game or watching _him_. "It's not going to be in the stands!" Potter called after him. The Gryffindor's presence was beginning to grate on Regulus.

The timing of the next part was unfortunate. Regulus turned on his broom to lose Potter. At the same time, his eyes fixed on something between them. A glint of gold. Potter had spotted it at the same time. Using his whole body weight to lean in that direction, Regulus pulled his broom back around, eyes now scanning the air meticulously to find the direction it had gone in. Potter was doing the same, but they were too close. When they caught sight of the snitch again, Potter's bristles caught against Regulus' hand. The Slytherin huffed in response and pushed forward to pick up speed. He couldn't see the snitch anymore, was just moving in the same direction Potter was. Potter had a better sense of direction, but Regulus was faster.

When they collided, Potter had turned. They were too close for Regulus to be able to slow down, or to move aside. The snitch had obviously been spotted somewhere, and Potter was wasting no time. In the moment that he realised they were going to collide, Potter threw out a hand to grip Regulus' broom to stop it. If there had been time to complain, Regulus would have looked around for Madam Hooch. It was in the rules, no player was allowed to put their hands on the broom of another. However, Regulus didn't have time to look around for Madam Hooch because he was too busy losing his balance. Potter had already pushed past him and was after the snitch, but between trying to turn to follow and trying to right himself on his broom, Regulus almost fell.

It wasn't unheard of for a student to fall off their broom, but it was always dramatic during a match. He managed to catch himself, one hand gripping hard onto the broom so that he dipped but was able to pull himself back into a seated position instead of dropping to the ground. When he looked around, seething, Potter had a guilty look on his face. Regulus didn't care about that. He also had the snitch in his hand. Regulus cared very much about that.

The game ended, and Regulus fumed as he changed. Slytherin had lost by ten points. His teammates were sympathetic. It was the first match they had lost that school year, and they all agreed that it was Potter's fault. That did nothing to comfort Regulus. If anything, it only made him angrier with the Gryffindor. When he left the pitch and found Lucius Malfoy waiting for him, Regulus brushed straight past the man and told him that he would find him later. The Gryffindors were walking back up to the castle in dribs and drabs, and Regulus was determined to find Potter.

Thankfully, luck seemed to be on Regulus' side more than it was during the match. It didn't take him long to find Potter, alone in the broom cupboard by Gryffindor tower. Regulus thought it was a wonder he didn't have his band of loyal groupies in tow.

"You did that on purpose!' Potter turned to face him, looking very much like he regretted his actions. Had Regulus been having a better week, he might have calmed down a bit. But losing the quidditch match was just the latest in a series of annoyances, and that painted a big, if unwarranted, target on Potter's back.

"Look, I'm sorry about putting my hand on your broom, but—"

"But nothing! It's against the rules!"

"Yeah, and Pads has already had a go at me for it." If Potter was trying to irritate Regulus further, it was working tremendously. He had heard his brother referred to as 'Pads' before, whatever that meant.

"His name is Sirius." He reminded Potter, glossing over the fact that Sirius had apparently spoken in his defence. Acknowledging that would give way to a series of thoughts much too complicated to be mulling over in a broom cupboard with James Potter.

"Right, well..." Potter rolled his eyes, and Regulus moved his hand to grip his wand, anger building once more. "Sirius had a go at me for it, but I think he'd be a damn sight angrier if you were in the hospital wing because I _didn't_ put my hand on your broom." Even if that made logical sense, it didn't do much to fend off the magic coursing through Regulus' veins.

"Just stick to chaser in future." Regulus grumbled.

"Well maybe if you kept your eye on the game, instead of on the stands, it wouldn't have happened." There was no way Potter _hadn't_ said that to rile him up. Regulus drew his wand. It wasn't his intention to hurt Potter, per se. He had only planned on sending a small jinx his way, the kind that Potter and his friends used on a daily basis. Something to appease his anger. Potter was quicker though, and easily disarmed Regulus. He frowned at this and surged forward to try and grab it back, but Potter quickly threw both of their wands aside and put his hands on Regulus' wrists.

Potter didn't push him at first, just held him at arms' length the way one might with an angry cat. To his credit, he didn't even push back when Regulus struggled, only matched the force to protect himself. It soon became clear that he was stronger than Regulus. This close, Regulus could also see how much taller James was. He didn't look so tall trailing after Lupin, but was easily a few inches taller than both Sirius and Regulus. In one last attempt to press forward, he yanked his arm and Potter responded by pushing him backwards until his back met the door.

"Just calm it, will you?" He wasn't about to be told what to do by James Potter, but without his wand he could feel the magic beginning to buzz in his fingertips. He'd have to calm down, or it would be _him_ Sirius ended up angry with. Regulus hoped Potter wouldn't notice, but couldn't use his go-to trick of shoving his hands inside his sleeves given that Potter's hands were still holding his wrists in place at his sides.

Potter waited patiently as Regulus' breathing slowed, jaw set but not looking particularly angry with him. There wasn't anywhere for Regulus to look but at him, so instead of meeting his eye he focused on Potter's hands on him. His dark fingers flexed were quite the contrast against Regulus' skin, who had managed to get himself to relax somewhat so that the other would return his wand.

Finally, Regulus looked up to him, hoping to convey that he'd calmed down. He had never been this close to Potter before, noticing how long his eyelashes were as he looked into his brown eyes. When Potter saw that he was calm, he didn't let go of Regulus straight away. He seemed to have forgotten that he had the younger boy held against the door. Regulus couldn't tell what he was thinking, an unfamiliar look on his face. Potter swallowed, and Regulus could see every small movement in his jaw and throat. Then, as quickly as he had grabbed Regulus, he'd let go. All of a sudden he seemed in a rush to leave, muttering something as he fumbled on the ground for his wand. Regulus wondered as James barged past him if he had heard somebody outside that _he_ hadn't, but Potter didn't say anything to answer his question.

Once he had retrieved his own wand, Regulus straightened his uniform and stepped out of the cupboard. He supposed that he should probably go and find Malfoy, which would at least save him from facing the rest of the Slytherins back in the common room after their loss.


	7. Chapter 7

After the match, Lucius Malfoy had given Regulus a book. This wasn't a totally unusual occurrence, though he did usually save it for Regulus' birthday or Christmas. The latest in his collection was different, though. It had clearly not been bought new, tattered around the edges and glue peeling away from the binding. On the cover, the title was engraved in silver. _Pure-Blood Directory_. Lucius had told Regulus that he ought to familiarise himself with the contents of the book before the summer came, which Regulus thought was rather pointless. One quick glance at the list of families printed at the front of the book confirmed that Regulus was already familiar with the pureblood families of Britain. That being said, there was bound to be _some_ new information in there, or something vaguely interesting about his own family history that he didn't already know. That was what he told himself, though he knew the real reason he took the book with him to the library the following day was that he didn't want to disappoint Narcissa by offending her husband.

At first, Regulus had concerned himself only with the pages on the Black family. The book was so old that it didn't mention him or Sirius, or any of their cousins. Both of his parents were listed as descendants of Phineas Nigellus Black, though the word 'infant' was used in reference to his father which gave him a vague idea of when the book must have been published. He didn't find anything there that he didn't already know, with the only difference between the words on the page and the tapestry at home being that Cedrella Black was listed alongside her siblings, whereas her face had been burned from the tapestry before Regulus was born. The little burn marks had been a curiosity growing up, though one he was far less curious about after Andromeda and then Sirius joined the scorched ranks.

Both Selwyn and Shafiq's families had pages laying out their ancestry, but Regulus noticed that there were many pureblood families not included. None of Sirius' friends families were there, though he was sure at least Potter and Pettigrew were pureblood. He was quite disappointed to find that there was nothing in there about the Broadmoor or Ollerton families, with the anonymous author obviously deciding Willa and Carmen's families weren't as 'sacred' as the twenty-eight listed. Given how strict the criteria seemed to be, Regulus wondered if the Black family would still be included in an updated edition, or if Andromeda's baby with the muggle would get them the chop.

Regulus was skimming over the Slughorn family tree with little interest when another book dropped with some force onto the table, making him jump.

"Sorry." Potter looked sheepish when he saw Regulus' reaction, but invited himself to sit beside him anyway. "Didn't mean to make you jump."

"What are you doing?" Regulus looked hastily for his wand in the mess of papers on the table, but Potter answered quickly.

"Apologising." That was enough for Regulus to give up his search, folding his hands awkwardly back on top of the book. Potter noticed the book, eyebrows knitting together when he took in the family tree drawn across the pages. He reached over to look at the front cover, eyes darting back up to Regulus. "What are you reading this rubbish for?"

"I thought you were apologising." Potter didn't respond, clearly still waiting for an answer. "Fine, Malfoy gave it to me."

"Well if you ask me, you ought to chuck that into the lake with the rest of the scum."

"Good thing I wasn't asking you, then." Regulus rolled his eyes. "It is outdated though, I think. Your family aren't in there." That was clearly enough to pique even the smallest amount of interest in Potter because he took the book, flicking through the first few pages until he reached the list of the so-called 'sacred twenty-eight'. After a quick glance, Potter shrugged and closed the book.

"All British families, my granddad wasn't born over here." Well, that was a simple enough explanation. Regulus took the book back from James, shoving it into his satchel with very little regard for a book more than twice his age.

"I'm going back to the common room now." He said, feeling awkward in James' company. His brother's friends had never made a habit of sitting with him in the library before, and he thought it was an odd time for them to start. Potter had other ideas though, arm darting out to trap Regulus, eyes wide.

"Wait, sit down." Regulus hated being the kind of person that always did as he was told, and yet he couldn't help wondering what had gotten into Potter, so he did. Potter waited a moment before opening the book he'd brought over onto a random page, doing a poor job of pretending to read. As he spoke, he didn't look at Regulus. "I'm sorry about yesterday."

Regulus didn't really understand why James was being so shifty, but he played along and made himself look busy regardless.

"That's okay. Wasn't totally your fault." With time to reflect, Regulus had realised that much was true. He shouldn't have been so close to Potter during the match, especially when he had been distracted. James didn't usually play as seeker, so Regulus should have shown more restraint. Besides, it had been _he_ that followed Potter to that broom cupboard, not the other way around. Potter was silent for a few moments, and when he eventually spoke his voice was low and unnaturally even.

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to tell Sirius."

"If I told my brother that I followed and tried to jinx you, I'm pretty sure he'd take your side." There was another long pause as James clenched and unclenched his hand on the table.

"I mean... I wanted to make sure you weren't going to tell him what I was going to do."

That made no sense to Regulus. He played back the previous day's events in his head, Potter coming up behind him on his broom, Potter disarming him.

"What were you going to do?" He asked, breaking the pretence and looking at James, face awash with confusion. Potter's head shot up, and the panic that consumed him when he'd last left Regulus seemed to return.

"Oh." He fumbled, and Regulus could almost see the cogs turning behind his messy hair and glasses. "If you don't know, it's probably for the best." Then, the absolute prat stood, planning on leaving Regulus alone with his bewilderment.

"Oi." Regulus grabbed the sleeve of Potter's shirt, not enough to keep him in place but enough that it would cause a scene if he resisted. Reluctantly, Potter turned around to face Regulus. "If you don't tell me what you were going to do, I'll tell Sirius everything that happened. Maybe _he'll_ figure it out." Potter muttered something about _Slytherins_ that sounded like it was meant as an insult, but Regulus was long past the crisis he'd had over his sorting, so only lifted the corner of his lips in response. Potter let out a deep breath.

"I was gonna..." He started, voice barely above a whisper now, though he couldn't get the rest of it out.

"Well, I nearly..." His second attempt at a confession was no more successful than his first, and in the end he reached out for Regulus' quill and the parchment he'd set aside for a potions essay. James' grip on the quill was tight, and he was watching Regulus as though trying to decide if he was _really_ going to tell him. Resigned to the alternative, he scratched two words on the parchment, knuckles white.

_Kiss you._

Regulus stared at the words blankly. He thought back to how close they had been before Potter had scarpered the previous day. He had been watching all of the minute details of his face, they were definitely close enough for Potter to have kissed him. But that didn't mean it made sense. Before Regulus could say anything, James knocked over the inkwell on the desk, black ink pooling over the words and dripping over the edge of the table. He quickly muttered a cleaning spell, though the mess of ink remained neatly in place on the parchment, burying the words he'd written.

"Why would you..." Regulus trailed off, leaving the rest of the question unspoken.

Then, James Potter had the audacity to blush. He shrugged, and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. He finally found his voice though, and had managed to compose himself somewhat by the time he responded.

"I dunno, the thought just crossed my mind." Regulus didn't know what to say to that, so he opted to say nothing. He was trying desperately not to imagine it, though Potter had put the mental image in his head and it seemed too late. "You're sort of funny."

Regulus didn't get a chance to ask what he had meant by that, because the damn werewolf appeared behind him, apparently pleased to have found James. Lupin called over to him, looking as confused as Regulus felt when he saw the two of them together. James didn't leave immediately, and for a moment Regulus wondered what he was waiting for, until his brain caught up and he cottoned on.

"I won't tell Sirius." At that, James gave him what was very nearly a smile, and quickly caught up with Lupin.

After that, Regulus' morning of homework was ruined. Besides ruining his parchment, Potter seemed to have planted a seed in Regulus' head that had quickly grown into a large vine, poking into his every thought. What would he have done, if Potter had kissed him? Regulus thought that he'd probably have been too surprised to do anything. He didn't have a _lot_ of experience kissing girls, but when he had kissed Carmen the main thing Regulus had experienced was boredom. Would it be the same with Potter? Giving up on his schoolwork altogether, Regulus hastily packed away his things and began his search for Carmen.

Not long after, he found her out by the greenhouses with Selwyn and some of the others, which felt appropriate. Regulus grabbed her gently by the wrist and pulled her away from the group, ignoring her protests as he led her to the first greenhouse. Thankfully, there didn't seem to be anything particularly irritable inside, just some snoozing mandrakes.

"If you've brought me in here to snog, Reggie, I thought we agreed not to do that again." She didn't seem very concerned with the idea, pushing herself up onto one of the workbenches and swinging her legs.

"No, no. It's about that, though."

"It's about kissing me?" She asked, perturbed.

"No, it's..." Regulus avoided her eye, and he suddenly understood how James must have felt talking to him in the library. It was an awkward topic of conversation.

"Come on, it's only me." Carmen reminded him, though that didn't help much.

"Did you know that boys kissed each other?" It all came out in a rush, but Carmen had clearly understood because her face suddenly lit up. She leaned forward, ready for what she obviously assumed was about to be gossip.

"Are we talking about Crouch?"

"Why would we be talking about Crouch?"

"Oh." Carmen shrugged, disappointed that they weren't talking about Crouch, and perhaps a little embarrassed at her next admission. "Willa and I thought you and he might..." She twirled her finger around in the air in lieu of an explanation.

Regulus was only more confused than he had been. Kissing Barty Crouch was a ghastly enough proposition without prolonging the conversation though, so he didn't bother to ask what had made Carmen and Willa think such a thing. Instead, he got to a more pressing matter.

"You _did_ know that boys did that, then?"

"Not all boys, Regulus." She said, seriously. "You should be careful who you bring this up to. But yes. _Some_ people do that, and it's really not a very big deal." Those two statements seemed contradictory, but Regulus was too deep in thought to point it out to her.

"Who?" Regulus asked. Carmen didn't answer right away, smoothing down her skirt against her legs, and keeping a very straight face.

"I don't know." She lied. "The way _I_ see it though, as long as you marry somebody suitable at the end of the day, it shouldn't matter who you've been with before that. I'm sure it happens a lot more than you hear about it, and everybody's just keeping hush hush."

"Yeah, maybe." Regulus really didn't want to think that was true. He'd had enough of a shock without having to wonder what every person he met was getting up to in secret. For instance, had Andromeda planned on marrying well after her fling with the muggle, and just changed her mind when it was too late?

"If anything," Carmen carried on, oblivious to Regulus' thoughts, "it works out better this way. There can't be any undesirable children born _this_ way."

"No?" Regulus asked, and Carmen was suddenly very focused on him, alarmed.

"Reggie, you _do_ know how babies are made, don't you?"

"Of course." Though up until that day, it hadn't occurred to him that boys would kiss each other, so how was he to know they weren't secretly having children together too?

"It has to be a boy and a girl." Carmen said slowly, as though explaining to a small child. "That's why you'll need a _wife_. But it doesn't mean you can't kiss boys in the meantime."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some mentions of Walburga's treatment of Sirius in this chapter, though mostly in one paragraph that I've indicated with a // at either side if you want to skip over it!

Breakfast the next day felt like torture. Regulus had finally given up taking all of his meals in the kitchen. It wasn't as though he'd stopped being appalled by the treatment of house elves, but he felt as though he was actually just getting under their feet being in the kitchen so much. On top of that, Regulus reasoned that the same amount of food was being sent up to the Great Hall whether he was there or not, so he was only being wasteful. His return to the Great Hall for mealtimes had absolutely nothing to do with the events of the previous day. If he happened to sit somewhere where he could perfectly see James Potter, well that was just a coincidence.

However, as much as he tried to avoid it, Carmen's revelation about people keeping that kind of thing hush hush was playing on his mind. As he looked around the Great Hall, he couldn't help but wondering _who_ was doing that, exactly. Carmen and Willa had suspected he and Crouch were, and though _he_ certainly wasn't, could the same be said of Crouch? When he saw Sirius lean in to whisper something into Lupin's ear, he debated whether they did. Perhaps the lot of them did, and that was why Potter had been so ready to kiss Regulus. But if the thought of kissing Crouch was an upsetting one, it was nothing compared to thinking about James Potter kissing his brother, so he quickly put that out of his mind.

Those images were easy enough to cast from his mind, having been created solely by Regulus' imagination. His mind was still flooded with images of Potter kissing _him_ , though. He couldn't be blamed for that one, it had been Potter that said it. Or wrote it, rather. With time to reflect on it (time in which Regulus had done very little else), he decided that he would have let Potter kiss him, if he had tried. Not because he fancied him or anything, but because it would mean he no longer had to think about it. Regulus wouldn't have to wonder if Potter's lips would feel soft. Wouldn't have to wonder what it would be like. In his head, it varied wildly. Most of the time when he pictured it, it happened just as it had _almost_ happened, Potter being assertive and holding him in place. But occasionally, just enough to mess with Regulus' certainty and make him think about it for longer, he'd picture it happening elsewhere. On the pitch, or in the library, with James as embarrassed as he had been when he told Regulus. By lunchtime, Regulus had come to a horrifying conclusion. He had to kiss James Potter.

As it turned out, that was easier thought than done. For a start, Regulus didn't see Potter for the rest of the day, or at all the next day. Maybe it was a coincidence, or maybe Potter was avoiding him, they didn't ordinarily spend enough time in each other's company for Regulus to be sure. Even if he had seen Potter, the opportunity probably still wouldn't arise, he realised. When he wasn't with Carmen or Willa, he was being followed by Snape or Selwyn, and there was rarely a time that Potter wasn't seen in the company of his friends. Regulus would have to orchestrate a way to be alone with him, and that wasn't something he could rush. If he wasn't so sure she'd be talking about it for the rest of eternity, Regulus would have considered asking Carmen for help.

On Wednesdays, Regulus had astronomy with the Ravenclaws at midnight which meant that when the sixth years finished potions at three, he would be on a free period. It seemed easy enough to wait for Potter outside the classroom, and ambush him. Regulus planned on casually telling him that Flitwick was looking for him, which would get him away from his friends. After that, he thought that it would be easy. Except he never got that far into his plan.

He has positioned himself at the corner, so that he could pretend to be passing as he spotted James. Unfortunately for him, Snape was in a rush to leave the classroom, and breezed past Regulus before he even caught sight of the Gryffindors.

"Black, with me." Regulus had no desire to follow him, but what could he say to refuse? Certainly not the truth. With a silent curse to whatever force was working against him, Regulus hurried to fall into step with Snape.

"Where are we going?"

"Malfoy's waiting for us." Snape ducked behind a tapestry and Regulus followed, though he rather felt like a preferable option would be to bash his head into the stone wall.

"Malfoy? He was just here on Saturday. What does he want?"

"Perhaps your cousin has turned out to be poor company." Snape chuckled to himself, though Regulus didn't find him remotely funny. If he thought Narcissa would care what Snape thought of her, he might have tried to defend her. However, he had always got the impression that she just tolerated Snape following Lucius around, disdain often plain as the pointed nose on her face.

It was a long way down to wherever Snape had arranged to meet Lucius, with lots of twists and turns. As they hurried down cobbled steps, Regulus' mind wandered once more. Did Snape do what he had talked to Carmen about? Did Lucius? He wasn't sure which thought was more repulsive. Some of the girls thought that Lucius was rather attractive. When he'd first arrived at school, he would often hear Narcissa and her friends talking about him, but he thought they must have been talking about a different Lucius Malfoy if they truly thought him 'charming and handsome'. Regulus thought he was the opposite of both.

At that moment in time, Lucius was standing underneath a tree. Regulus didn't know at what point they had left the school grounds, but knew they must have. With Lucius was a house elf carrying several large boxes and bags, as though he'd just been shopping. He thought about saying something about the elf, but Lucius raised one finger as though anticipating it.

"I won't keep you boys long." Lucius drawled. "Just a small question, Regulus." If the question was for Regulus alone, he didn't know why Snape had to come along. He nodded, though.

"What is it?"

"When did you last speak with your brother?" That certainly wasn't what Regulus was expecting. In the family, he had scarcely heard Sirius' name mentioned since he ran away. He couldn't work out what reason Malfoy could possibly have for asking, but didn't have any reason to lie to him either.

"Before he left." Lucius narrowed his eyes, obviously not believing him. It was true, though. Regulus had been angry with Sirius, more than he'd ever been angry with anybody when he left. When they returned to school after summer, he had no desire to speak to his brother whatsoever. After that, Sirius had made no attempt to speak to him either, obviously deciding that Regulus wasn't worth his time. Malfoy looked to Snape.

"And exactly when _was_ that?" Snape asked, moving to stand in front of Regulus.

"The start of last summer. July, I think." After he answered, a familiar sensation overtook Regulus. His mind began to play back his last conversation with Sirius, and Snape was focusing very intently on him. Regulus wasn't offended by this for two reasons. First, it was just something adults did. His mother did it, he'd heard rumours that Dumbledore did it, and he knew from overheard conversations that the Dark Lord did it, too. The second reason he wasn't offended was that Snape wasn't very _good_ at it. Perhaps he would be when they were older, but for now Regulus found it very easy to control what Snape saw. He let the night flash before his eyes, but kept his guard up in case Snape tried anything.

//

On the night that Sirius had run away, he had gotten into an argument with their mother. It was a frequent occurrence, had been ever since Regulus could remember. When he was little, he'd always wished Sirius would just keep himself out of trouble, but at fourteen he understood that wasn't possible. Their arguments got worse as Sirius got older, gained better control of his magic and fought back with more vigour. The thought that he might be able to outfight her sent Walburga to extremes. Regulus first knew that something was amiss when he heard his brother's footsteps in the night, followed by the subtle click of the back door. Padding over to his window, he watched Sirius stomp through the moonlight, school satchel over one shoulder and broom over the other. Regulus quickly followed, running out across the wet grass in his pyjamas. When he got closer, he could see that Sirius' eyes were red. His sleeves were also red, which is what told Regulus he'd gotten into another fight with their mother. The spells she used were no secret to Regulus. He had only come into the firing line once in his life, after which Sirius had loudly threatened to murder her should she ever do it again. He wished he could protect Sirius as fiercely as his brother did him, but Walburga was so precise and careful with her 'punishments' that the opportunity had never before presented itself.

//

"Where are you going?"

"Anywhere!" Sirius shouted, steely-eyed as he stared down his brother. "I'm not coming back, Reg."

"You can't just—"

"Don't try and stop me!" He looked as though he wanted to say something after that. His wand wasn't drawn, but Regulus had known Sirius his whole life, and he knew that the unspoken words were almost definitely the threat of a hex or curse. Sirius huffed, turning away from Regulus.

"Please, don't!" Looking back on it, Regulus knew that his younger self would start crying soon, but he didn't care enough what Snape thought to try and redirect him. Regulus' eyes were watery, and he reached out to try and grab Sirius, grab his broom, anything to stop him from going.

"What, you want me to stay here? Be her hexing bag so you don't have to?" He didn't know if Sirius had actually felt that way, or spoken in anger, but he never held that against him even in his deepest anger. Regulus had felt guilty about it for long enough that Sirius voicing it was nothing new to him.

"I want you to stay with _me_." His voice was small, and he could already see from Sirius' determination that it was a lost cause, but he couldn't give up without trying. "I need you." Though he wouldn't give in, Sirius' resolve did soften momentarily.

"Come with me. Go and get your broom." Sirius spoke with urgency, eyes going up to where a lantern still burned in their father's study window. For a moment, Regulus had considered it. He knew Sirius would go to the Potters' though. His only other option was Andromeda, and she was happy with her muggle husband and new baby, Sirius wouldn't involve her in yet another family feud. If Sirius did go to the Potters', he was sure they would welcome him in. Just by the state he was in, most adults would. But what about if he turned up with his Slytherin brother? Would there be room? His eyes followed Sirius' up to the window.

What would their parents do if they ran away?

If Sirius ran away, the answer was simple. As Andromeda's had been, his portrait would be scorched. He'd stay with the Potters until he left Hogwarts, and then he'd have no need for his parents. But if they both ran away? They had no other siblings, and their cousins were all girls. There would be nobody else to have children and carry on the Black name. The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, ended by two runaway teenagers. Walburga would never stand for it. No, if they both ran away, she would simply come after them, and drag them home by the scruffs of their necks.

"I can't." He told Sirius, tears spilling down his face because he knew his brother wouldn't understand. "Just stay here! I'll stop her fighting with you, I promise!" It was a promise they both knew he couldn't keep, and Sirius took his refusal to join him as disloyalty. He turned away, nothing left to say to Regulus. The younger brother continued to plead even as he mounted his broom. They really hadn't spoken since, not once.

Back in the present, Snape looked uncomfortable, but nodded to Malfoy. Unaware of the shift in tone, Lucius breezed on.

"Well, that's such a shame. The Dark Lord is always looking out for new talent. Your brother and Lupin were of particular interest, but no matter." When Regulus looked back at Snape, the older boy was avoiding his gaze. He _had_ told, then. Lupin wasn't a pureblood, there was no reason the Dark Lord should be interested in recruiting him to promote his Blood Laws unless he knew about the lycanthropy. Regulus didn't know what interest that would be to him even if he did, but he didn't stick around to ask. He'd had enough of Snape and Malfoy for one day and turned on his heel, walking back the way Snape had led him not ten minutes ago, though it felt much longer from the emotional toll.

When he reached the castle, Regulus walked quickly but aimlessly. He thought about looking for Lupin, to warn him that Snape had told people about him. He also thought about finding Sirius, just to pick a fight. He was in the mood to pick at old wounds, but walked around for long enough that _that_ particular urge passed. Regulus didn't realise quite how long he'd been circling the castle until he began to see stars out of the windows. If he wasn't careful, he would be late for astronomy.

Part of him felt that the cold air of the astronomy tower might help calm him down. Another part of him though that it might make him vomit. It didn't become any clearer to him as he climbed the steps of the tower, but his mind was leaning very strongly towards the latter when he saw James Potter sitting nonchalantly by the window.

James looked just as surprised to see Regulus as Regulus was to see him. He had a cigarette in his hand, but quickly stubbed it out on the window ledge when he saw Regulus, springing to his feet.

"Oh, are you lot up here tonight?" He smiled brightly at Regulus, though he avoided eye contact.

"Yeah." He hadn't realised he'd be the first up, or he probably would have nipped back to the dorm for his things first. Regulus hadn't even brought his books with him after Snape's little foray into his memories.

"Right well, I'll uh— leave you to it."

Regulus almost let James leave. He wasn't in any mood to talk to anybody, especially not _him_. Sirius leaving had been the best thing for Sirius, and though they hadn't made amends Regulus was no longer angry at him. But the resentment for Potter, who Sirius saw and treated as a brother, still lingered below the surface. Yet if Potter left, Regulus knew that he'd regain his composure and he'd be right back where he'd been all week, picturing James Potter kissing him and desperate to get him alone. His feelings were muddled enough as it was, without that hypothetical hanging over his head.

Before James could pass him, Regulus stepped into his path. Chattering voices echoed through the stairwell, so he had to be fast. Looping one finger through the top of James' loose school tie so it wouldn't strangle him as Regulus tugged him closer, he leaned up to meet James' lips.

The kiss itself was quick. He pressed his lips firmly against James', free hand resting on his shoulder until Regulus backed away. James' lips weren't as soft as Carmen's had been, but there was something about it that put all previous thoughts out of Regulus' brain. All he could think about was the small gasp James had taken when he realised what was happening, and the dazed look on his face after Regulus kissed him. In the last moment they were alone together, Regulus stepped back to put some distance between them.

"I won't tell if you don't." He told Potter, who couldn't respond as they were joined in the tower by two Ravenclaw girls, books and telescopes under their arms. James looked like he wanted to say something, but instead made his escape. He was making a bit of a habit of that, though Regulus supposed this time, it was sort of his fault. If the Ravenclaws suspected anything was amiss, they didn't say anything. One asked if Regulus wanted to share her telescope though, which was useful. If he left the tower to go and retrieve his, he couldn't be sure he'd actually make it back for astronomy.


	9. Chapter 9

It was a well known fact at Hogwarts that students often skipped their first lesson the day after astronomy. Regulus didn't know which of the professors drew up their timetables, but he was sure they accounted for this. Every Thursday morning, the Ravenclaw and Slytherin fifth years were supposed to have History of Magic with Binns, a class where even on a good day it wasn't unusual for somebody to drift off to the ghost's droning. Ordinarily, Regulus would be one of the few students to grace Binns with his presence. This wasn't because he had any kind of love for the subject, but just because he generally tried to stay out of trouble, lest one of the Professors decide to write to his mother. On the last Thursday in April though, Regulus gave it a miss. If anybody bothered him, he would drag himself as far as Madam Pomfrey so that she could excuse him from classes, and then he would return to his bed.

His dreams had been predictable, at least. The same thing Snape had seen the previous day. But dreams were in the habit of twisting themselves around a memory and disfiguring it beyond recognition. Sirius was there, angry as ever as he left Regulus behind. Unlike in reality though, Sirius made it only too clear where he was going when he burned his bridges. James Potter had always been a better brother to him, he told Regulus. He _understood_ Sirius, he was what Sirius liked in a person. James was better than Regulus. Regulus thought that it was pretty fucked up of his brain to suggest he was jealous of Potter, given what had happened the night before.

That was _another_ thing his dreams had taken a liking to. Regulus' fingers creeping up into James' unruly hair as they kissed. James kissing him back. Regulus hadn't really given James the chance to do that in reality, but that was for the best. He didn't know whether James would, or which option was worse. If he'd kissed him for long enough that he could _not_ kiss back, Regulus would never have been able to face Potter again. When he thought about it, he wasn't sure he could do that even under current circumstances. But if he had kissed him long enough for James to respond, and he had kissed back? What the hell would Regulus do with _that_ information? Even the notion that James Potter had considered kissing him had sent him half crazy, so him actually doing it was bound to tip Regulus over the edge.

No, Regulus was going to stay in his bed for as long as was possible. There were several advantages to this. First of all, he wouldn't have to speak to anybody, apart from possibly his roommates who never spoke much to Regulus anyway. Second, the Slytherin dorms were in the dungeons. No windows except the ones out onto the lake. Should James want to send him a threatening note, it wouldn't reach him until he left the dorm. The only downside was that he had already shared the last of his Honeydukes contraband with the girls, meaning he'd have to leave for food eventually. He thought back to the chocolate bar James had given him in the owlery a week ago. That had been nice of him. His being _nice_ was probably James Potter's worst quality, Regulus thought. How was Regulus supposed to hate him when he was always so nice to him?

Even if Regulus had planned on conning one of the other boys into bringing him food, the world seemed intent on drawing him from his bed. After their second lesson of the day (the first that the majority of his classmates would actually be attending), Willa had pounded on the door to the dormitory.

"Reggie?"

" _Reggie_!"

"I know you're in there, pillock! Montague says you're poorly. Are you really not going to come to transfigurations?" Transfigurations had _previously_ been Regulus' favourite lesson, behind Care of Magical Creatures. He wished he wasn't missing it, but he didn't need another reminder of his idiot brother and his idiot friends transfiguring themselves into animals while the werewolf almost killed people. Regulus ignored Willa until she went away, hoping she wasn't cross with him and would still let him copy her notes later on.

An hour later, most of the students would be heading to the Great Hall for lunch. Regulus' stomach, used to being fed on a very regular schedule, growled. He ignored it. If it came to it, he thought that he might transfigure the deck of cards Selwyn and Shafiq had left scattered across the floor into a club sandwich. He had spent the better part of ten minutes eyeing them up, unwilling to leave his bed to collect them _or_ his wand. Another knock on the door, this time softer. Regulus thought that maybe it was Carmen, and resolved to ignore her as he had Willa. The last thing he needed was her complaining that he was playing favourites.

"Regulus Black?" The voice was not Carmen's, or anybody else's that he knew, for that matter. He could tell from the pitch and the obvious nerves that it must have been a first or second year, so groaned as he slogged to the door. When he threw it open, he was towering over the small boy. So used to comparing his height to Sirius, or the other boys in his dorm, Regulus was quite used to thinking of himself as short. He unconsciously hunched his shoulders when he saw the first year looking up at him, wide-eyed.

"Yes?" He suspected the boy to be a Bulstrode from his appearance, but didn't care to ask. If he did, it would only be to stroke his own ego, and he liked to think he wasn't _that_ similar to Sirius.

"Somebody told me to give you this. A Gryffindor." The boy held out a chubby hand, offering the envelope to Regulus. He knew who it was from, but let himself live in denial a moment longer.

"Did he look like me?"

"No, it was.. Um.." He put one finger to his pink lips as he tried to remember, and Regulus regretted asking. "The blood traitor."

Regulus' back straightened at that, and he took the envelope from the boy before he could rescind the offer. Probably-Bulstrode hadn't said ' _blood traitor_ ' in the same way that Snape did, to get a reaction, or as an insult. He was just using it as a descriptor.

"Who told you he was that?" He asked, folding his arms. It was difficult to come across as frightening while in his pyjamas, but he did his best.

"Crouch. He said that I shouldn't be running errands for blood traitors."

"Maybe Crouch had a point." Regulus retorted, then closed the door on Probably-Bulstrode.

Each of the Slytherin dorms had a marble fireplace between two of the beds, and Regulus would be lying if he said that he wasn't tempted to throw the envelope in. Whatever James had written inside, Regulus didn't want to read it. If he did, he'd question the intent. Worse than that, he knew that he would look at James' handwriting, make judgements on it. Picture the Gryffindor writing it out. He would wonder how James managed to pass it onto a Slytherin first year without rousing suspicion from Sirius and their friends.

Realising that he was very much doing that anyway, Regulus tore carefully at the seal. Buried deep in his trunk somewhere was a letter opening bearing the Black coat of arms, but the thought to retrieve it never even crossed Regulus' mind.

On the torn parchment inside the envelope, James had written only three words. If Potter was capable of writing in complete sentences, he was yet to prove that to Regulus. It read:

_Quidditch Pitch. Sunrise._


	10. Chapter 10

All around the Quidditch pitch, daffodils lined the neatly cut grass. Regulus had never paid them much attention before, but the warm light of the rising sun painted them in a way that he had to admit was pretty. Especially after a day holed up in the Slytherin dorm, being outside on that spring morning felt like a breath of fresh air in more than one way. He could see why James was known for coming down to practice so early if this was the view he was rewarded with, if only for the brief time he was alone. At home, the sun wasn't visible until it had risen past the houses across from Grimmauld Place, so Regulus had never really bothered to watch the sky changing colour. He wondered what the sunrise looked like from the bedroom he assumed his brother now shared with James at the Potters'. Did _they_ have a good view, and watch it during the summer?

By the time James showed up, Regulus had moved three times. At first, he waited in the changing room where nobody would see them, should they pass by the pitch. Then he worried that James wouldn't see him right away and would leave, so he moved to the stands. That felt wrong though, even if he couldn't explain why. After the stands, Regulus stood by the entrance to the pitch, but watching out for James' arrival made him feel crazier than he already deemed himself lately. In the end, he sat out on the grass after charming it so that the dewy grass wouldn't stain his robes. _Then_ Regulus questioned whether he should have brought his broom with him, but ultimately decided it was too late to run back to the castle for it.

To say that Regulus was fraught with nerves would be an understatement. Kissing James Potter had seemed like the appropriate course of action for the better part of six hours. After all, it had been Potter's fault. He told Regulus that he had thought about kissing him, and then expected him to just go about his life with that piece of information floating around in the ether. Regulus was finishing a sentence that Potter had started, that was all. Until he spent the day with no company but his own, and the realisation dawned on him that he had _kissed_ James Potter. As soon as James' note had arrived, he regretted his actions. He would have to see James again, and then he would probably say something. No matter what that something was, it was going to be unbearable.

If Potter showed up and complained about Regulus kissing him, Regulus would end up getting into yet another confrontation with him. It was only fair to give him a piece of his mind, since he was the one who started the whole mess. Yet if James arrived and _didn't_ complain about Regulus kissing him, well then the whole saga would continue and Regulus would never know peace. Deciding that all of the options were terrible, Regulus borrowed some of his brother's arrogance, laying back in the grass and closing his eyes. Perhaps if he feigned indifference, the encounter would be short and uneventful.

"Bit early in the year for sunbathing, isn't it?" James' voice was close to him when he finally heard it, and he heard the other making himself comfortable on the grass.

"Bit early in the morning for _this_ , isn't it?" He murmured without opening his eyes, and James laughed.

"Could've done it yesterday if you hadn't been hiding from me."

"I wasn't hiding from you." Regulus cracked open one eye to look at him, hoping he sounded sufficiently outraged at the suggestion. "Just had a... bad day, is all." Well, that was a ridiculous thing to have said. The moment it escaped his lips, Regulus cringed. Potter, who had by this time also laid down, turned onto his side to face Regulus. Regulus noticed that he hadn't charmed the grass where he lay, with a dampness forming on his school shirt.

"Why did you have a bad day?" He sounded genuinely interested, and that threw Regulus.

"We're not friends, Potter."

"Maybe not." James conceded. "But I think once you've had somebody's tongue down your throat, you can tell them about your day."

"You didn't put your tongue down my throat." Regulus reminded him. James was quiet for a long moment, and when Regulus looked at him, he averted his gaze. Still thinking about it, then.

"About that." He said after a while, still not looking at Regulus. "It can't happen again."

"Alright." Regulus closed his eyes once more, glad he'd opted for indifference.

"Alright?" It was almost funny how surprised James sounded by that. Had he expected Regulus to protest? Did he think he was so pleasant to kiss that he wouldn't be able to take it?

"Yeah, if you want."

"Right. I mean, I just thought because you..."

"Because I kissed you?" Regulus finished, wondering how Potter managed to keep up his charming and arrogant façade if this was really how he acted once alone.

"Yeah. I mean, I figured you might want to again."

"You said you didn't want to."

"Yeah."

"Well," Regulus shrugged, before adding with an ounce of sarcasm, "I don't play as chaser." If Potter realised that was a joke, he made no show of it. He was quiet for a while again.

"Okay." James said eventually, but made no move to leave. They remained in each other's company silently, Regulus with his eyes closed to the sky and James doing Merlin-knows-what beside him.

"I do have one question, though."

"Yes?" James asked, a little too eagerly.

"When you said that you wanted to kiss me," Regulus started, pleased for the opportunity to remind James that it had been _he_ who started it. "You said I was funny, and then you ran off with Lupin. What did you mean?"

"Oh." James gave it some thought, nestling his head further into his folded arms as he watched Regulus. "Well, you'll go on hunger strike over a house elf, and try to fight Sirius' battles for him, but then you were ready to blow my head off for a minor Quidditch infraction." Regulus pushed himself up in the grass then, frowning.

"Minor infraction? If it had been any earlier in the game, Hooch would've had your arse for it, and you know it." Potter laughed, which only made Regulus pout more. 

"I was taking the piss, Reg." The phrasing, paired with James smiling at him far too kindly for somebody Regulus told himself he hated brought forth a memory, and Regulus suppressed it with a hint of a smile. "What?" James asked, noting the change in expression.

"Nothing." Regulus looked away from him again. "Just a thought." 

"C'mon, it's not like I can tell anybody." That was a fair point, but nobody else would care if James did tell them. 

"Really, it's stupid." Regulus smiled again, fending off a laugh at his past self's expense. 

"My favourite kind of thought." 

"Fine." Regulus let out a breath as he looked at James, rolling his eyes before revealing the ridiculous little memory his mind had thought relevant enough to make him smile. James probably wouldn't even remember. "You said you were taking the piss, and... Well, the first time I heard anybody say that was _you_ , on the Hogwarts Express." 

"What?" James grinned, brow crumpled. He didn't remember, but that was fine.

"My first year, your second. Sirius told me he'd never speak to me again if I was sorted into Slytherin." He cleared his throat at that part, not letting his brain go there. He'd spent long enough there the previous day. "And you told me he was just taking the piss, except I didn't know what that meant. And he gave me this look, telling me not to ask, 'cause he didn't want me embarrassing him in front of you." Regulus felt ridiculous then for even remembering it, let alone telling him about it. But James didn't seem put off, still laughing gently to himself.

"See what I mean? You're funny." 

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" 

James opened his mouth to answer, and then closed it again. He hesitated. And then he leaned in and kissed Regulus. 

James Potter was kissing him. Regulus was laying in the grass and James Potter was leaning over him, kissing him with far more hesitancy than he had kissed _him_ with. Regulus kissed back, of course. He didn't need another wasted opportunity plaguing his mind with 'what if's all weekend. While the kiss in the astronomy tower was fleeting and left them both reeling, this time they both knew exactly what they were doing and that the other wanted it, too. Plus, Potter didn't reek of cigarettes this time. It seemed as though James would have been content to stay there all morning, but Regulus reluctantly pushed him away when he remembered where they were. 

"Quidditch pitch." 

"Well observed." 

"Anybody could see us." 

"Nobody ever comes down here this early." James said, shaking his head. He licked his lips, and Regulus cursed himself for watching and wishing he would kiss him again. 

"And if they do?" 

James turned around, and pointed across the pitch to the entrance, and up into the stands. 

"If they do, they'll be far enough away that we could make something up." That was almost good enough for Regulus.

"No." James' hand was still right next to him, and he pushed it away. "You said this wasn't happening again." James groaned, as though remembering the reason he had said that in the first place. Probably Sirius. Or the fact that he liked kissing girls, not boys. It didn't really matter to Regulus _why_. All that mattered was that he could go on with his days and pretend it had never happened. 

"You're right." 

"Obviously." Regulus rolled his eyes. Potter stood, and held out a hand to help Regulus up. Regulus accepted, and noticed that neither of them let go very quickly. It must have been getting close to the time the other students would be up and heading to breakfast, so Regulus knew he ought to do the same if he wanted to avoid raising the girls' suspicion even more than he had the day before. 

"So, are we... y'know, are we cool?" James asked, sounding like the prat Regulus liked to believe he was. 

"I'm still not going to tell my brother, if that's what you're asking." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reggie and james having a conversation without wands drawn? revolutionary


	11. Chapter 11

The first and most important rule when sneaking around with James Potter was that it was _always_ the last time. The first few times, Regulus really believed that their arrangement was tenuous, liable to fall apart if he said or did one wrong thing. After the fourth or fifth time though, he had realised this was just James’ way of avoiding the fact that he was hiding something pretty significant from Sirius. If they said it wasn’t going to happen again, then they weren’t actively hiding anything from Regulus’ brother between meetings, and there wouldn't be quite so much to feel guilty about. Usually, it was James who said it, but he always seemed to approve greatly when Regulus did it for him. 

“Last time...” Regulus would whisper into his ear as they held completely still, thinking that they’d heard somebody passing by whichever passageway or cupboard they were hiding in. Then he’d make some remark, like “...then you can find somebody else to use up your energy with after Quidditch.” James would just laugh, and kiss him again once he was sure they weren't in danger of being discovered. 

The _second_ rule was that it always had to be on James’ terms. This was the rule that annoyed Regulus the most. Pretending neither of them wanted it to happen again was fine, because he knew in reality, it was far from the truth. But the way that James found himself entitled to Regulus’ time at the drop of a hat, yet wouldn’t give him the same in return was almost enough for Regulus to call the whole thing off. In fact, he tried to once. Really, he couldn’t blame James for not believing he really meant it when it was something they said every time they spoke. And by the time James cornered him after Quidditch practice, he didn't have the heart to refuse him. Once, Regulus attempted to strike this rule from the record. He had written each unspoken rule in the back of his charms textbook, and put a thick dark line through rule number two when he'd had enough. 

After the full moon at the beginning of May, Regulus spotted James leaving the hospital wing. It was fairly obvious that he'd been visiting Lupin. Regulus didn't know where his brother and Pettigrew were, but James being alone was all he cared about. Deciding to strike while the iron was hot, he grabbed James’ woolen sleeve and pulled him into a passageway, behind the statue of Gregory the Smarmy. James offered a tired smile when he realised the assailant was Regulus, but held a hand up to his chest to stop the incoming kiss. When Regulus glowered at him, James looked apologetic and rummaged through his robes as though looking for some excuse for why he couldn’t be with Regulus at that very moment. Coming up blank, he sighed. Perhaps he knew that his excuses sounded like just that, but it didn't stop him from trying.

“I can’t right now, Reg. Tonight, maybe.” 

“Busy tonight.” Regulus side-stepped to leave James there, who surprised him by reaching out to grab his fingers. They had kissed a fair amount by that point, but it was always the smaller touches that got Regulus' attention. More and more, James was familiar, casual with him. It no longer seemed as though it pained him to give in to the urge to touch or kiss Regulus.

“Really, I’m not…” He was clearly exasperated, and Regulus _almost_ felt guilty for being so needy. Though really, he didn't think he wasn’t asking for a lot. “Somebody might see us.” 

Regulus scoffed at that, and motioned around them. 

“There’s nobody around, Potter.”  
  
“I know.” He bit his lip, and Regulus pretended not to watch, since he was still unhappy. James then gave in and pulled Regulus closer by the waist. “Not like that, though. It’s… I can’t tell you.”

“Fine, then don’t.” Regulus still wasn’t going to give in to his charms, but also didn’t protest when James kissed him between every few words.

“If you meet me here when it gets dark, I’ll show you where this passageway leads.” Regulus’ curiosity agreed before his pout could refuse, and James was cocky enough to add, “on one condition.”

“ _What_ condition?”

“You should start calling me James, instead of Potter.” Regulus didn’t bother telling him that he’d already started doing so in his mind. Out loud, it felt like a risky habit to get into. He’d certainly get strange looks from the other Slytherins if he started talking about _James_ , though he supposed it wasn't very often he talked about James by referring to him as 'Potter', either.

“I’ll think about it.” That seemed to be enough for James, who grinned and pecked Regulus’ lips again before taking off. 

“See you tonight, then.” James called over his shoulder. That was technically breaking the first rule, but James was only doing it to make up for the second rule, so Regulus figured that evened it out. And the compromise turned out to be worth it, because James wasn’t ever as paranoid about them being seen together in the cellar of Honeydukes, where the passageway led. 

The third rule was that they weren’t allowed to talk about anything serious, and Regulus thought that he might have actually been the one to implement this one. Sometimes, James would ask about his day. If he’d just had classes, or played Quidditch, it wasn’t so bad and he’d recount anything interesting that had happened. But when he’d had to deal with Snape, or when the Slytherins got into fights with his lot, Regulus would simply ignore the question. Any mention of his mother would go ignored. It was also for the best that neither of them mention Sirius too often, or James would get all nervous about it and cut their excursions short. It didn’t take the two of them long to realise that this didn’t leave very many topics to cover, which led to many of James’ ‘fun games’. 

“Fuck, marry, killing curse. Your blonde friend, the brunette, and…” He was sitting atop a barrel of fizzing sarsaparilla in the basement of Honeydukes, while Regulus lay on the ground chewing lazily at the strawberry laces James had scored them. He struggled to think of a third person, since they had strayed into people they really knew. The game had been vaguely entertaining as they picked their way through Quidditch players and famous singers, significantly less so as they moved through Hogwarts Professors, and James had finally found himself pleased with this little twist. “Snape.” Regulus rolled his eyes at that.

“Use the killing curse on Snape. Kiss Carmen and marry Willa.” 

“D’you fancy Carmen more than Willa, then?” James asked, which Regulus thought a pretty ridiculous question. 

“No. I’ve just done that before. And Willa’s calmer. She’d be nicer to live with.” 

“Fair enough.” James didn't comment on the fact that he said he'd kissed Carmen, but the way Regulus had heard people talking about his and Sirius' romantic habits, it wasn't surprising. Regulus didn't say any more about it, because he was finally eager to take his turn. The moment James had strayed into people their age, Regulus wondered if he saw the trap he’d walked into. 

“Kiss, marry, killing curse. Sirius, Lupin and Pettigrew.” A minor break of the third rule, but the face James pulled was more than worth it. 

“I’m not answering that, it’s like… picking family members.” 

“Fine.” Regulus scowled as James plucked a strawberry lace from between his fingers, but changed tack. “Kiss, marry, killing curse. Me, Sirius, Narcissa.” James groaned, and looked down at Regulus as though he were the strangest creature he'd ever laid eyes on.

“You want your head inspecting, weirdo.” But if James really thought it a strange combination, it didn’t slow his answer any. “Fuck you, marry Padfoot and kill Narcissa.”

“Oh.”

“The hell do you mean, ‘oh’? How else was I going to answer that?” James let out a laugh, but quickly stifled it. He looked above them, to the floorboards. It was late enough that the shop would be closed, but they could never be certain that Mr. Flume and his wife, who ran Honeydukes, were out of earshot. The first time James had snuck him down there, they had heard footsteps and had to crouch behind a toffee apple tree.

“Thought you might marry Narcissa, since she’s a girl.” 

“And then who would I kill?” 

“Well, you’re not going to kill Sirius, are you?”

“I’m not going to fuck him, either!” 

“To be fair,” Regulus pointed out, “I said kiss, you’re the one making it dirty.”

“What, and you think I’d _kiss_ him?” The outrage on James’ face was only met with a shrug.

“We do look pretty similar.” 

“I’m not doing _this_ ,” he motioned between them, “because I fancy your brother, if that’s what you’re implying.” 

“Glad to hear it. Though I doubt he’d believe it.” While James had to concede, it was obvious that Regulus had bent the rule too far. James was thinking about Sirius, and thus was uncomfortable. Not ten minutes later, he jumped down from his perch and held out the customary hand to pull Regulus to his feet.

“We should be getting back.”

Alongside those three rules, Regulus had one more written down. They couldn’t tell anybody what they were doing. That one was self-explanatory, and Regulus thought it was the easiest one to keep to. He didn’t want anybody to know what they were doing, in case it spoiled things. When they were together, they had to be alone. It wasn’t like being in the Great Hall, admiring James from afar but never capturing his attention for long. When they were alone, James looked at him as though he were something interesting, and worthy of his time. The list of rules could have been as long as Regulus’ arm, and he knew he’d have done his best to keep them if it meant keeping those moments with _him_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi besties, hope you enjoyed this chapter!! I know I've changed the number of chapters again but the outline is final now so that should be accurate!


	12. Chapter 12

Regulus was seeing James at least twice a week by the middle of May. He didn't know which part thrilled him more, the sneaking around or the way his skin jumped to life when James touched it. The rules remained in place, and Regulus often found himself disgruntled about it, but if his choice was between that and calling the whole thing off, he still wasn't willing to do the latter. It was almost a month since he first kissed James, and they had worked out a whole host of meeting places. Their latest was the one that led to Carmen finding out about them.

He was waiting for James in the prefects' bathroom at the time. It was one of the nicer places he and James met up, compared to the dingy Quidditch changing room, or the owlery with all of its associated smells. The pristine tiles and gentle aromas of the prefects' bathroom let Regulus pretend he was somewhere nice with James, and that their little dalliance didn't depend on sneaking around. It had been his suggestion in the first place. After spending time in there to avoid Snape, it occurred to him that the room saw very little traffic, with only twenty-four students technically allowed in there. James wasn't one of those, since Lupin had been made a prefect in their year, but Regulus didn't see the harm in sharing the password with just one person, knowing that other prefects were far more liberal with it. Therefore, when hands came from behind him to cover his eyes, he thought that it was safe to assume he knew who it was.

"James, we shouldn't—" He was preparing to get things started with their usual denials, but Regulus turned as he spoke and was horrified not to be met by James' face looking down at him. Carmen did not share his horror. She jumped back from him, making no attempt to hide her glee.

"I knew it!" Regulus loved Carmen but she had a habit of speaking in stage-whispers whenever she thought something was remotely exciting and when she started, he briefly considered pushing her into the large bathtub in the middle of the room. "James, James, James..." Her mind was obviously whirring as she made her way through every student named James at the school. He supposed he was lucky James was a common enough name. With _his_ name, James couldn't be afforded the same mistake.

"You shouldn't be in here, you're not even a prefect!" He doubted his argument would have much impact, but he had to at least _try_ and change the subject if he was going to keep her in the dark.

"I don't think there are any prefects called James." Carmen pointed out and kept on grinning at Regulus. "Besides, Willa told me the password ages ago." She waved a hand dismissively at this, and Regulus made a mental note to have words with Willa later on.

"Look, just because I thought you were somebody called James, doesn't mean what you're assuming it does." Regulus was very aware that the real James could walk through the door any moment, and then Carmen would jump to a very correct conclusion. On the off-chance of that happening, he needed to try and minimise the damage. Carmen wasn't having any of it, though.

"Oh, please! Reggie, you've been in a good mood all week. Put that together with our conversation the other week, and I already thought you were sneaking around with some boy. This just confirmed it for me."

"Fine, fine. But can we do this later?" Perhaps he could think up some random Hufflepuff to tell her about later on, once she was safely back in the dorm and he'd had his rendez-vous.

"Reggie!" She whined. "You can't just leave me wondering for hours!"

"Good, because I plan on leaving you wondering for much longer than that." Regulus grabbed Carmen by the elbows, twirling her to the direction of the door and pushing lightly.

"I'm your best friend! Why wouldn't you—" It was impressive how she managed to dig her heels into marble, but the accompanying gasp was what really had Regulus worried. "Wait, _James_?" She turned back around to face him, and Regulus could tell just by the scandal written on her face that she had finally made her way through every James in the school and landed on the only one Regulus would have reason to keep from her.

"Carm, don't."

"Does your brother know?" She was back to whispering now, and Regulus huffed.

"If my brother knew, do you think we'd be sneaking about in the prefects' bathroom?"

"Well, you'd still have to keep it a secret from most people." Carmen folded her arms across her chest and rolled her eyes. "Really, Regulus. When you asked me about kissing boys, I thought you meant _normal_ boys." He didn't know, or really care what she meant by that. Perhaps he'd ask her later on, but for now Regulus still just wanted her to leave. He ran a hand through his hair, and found himself grateful for once for James' tardiness. Usually, it irritated Regulus when he showed up an hour after they'd agreed to meet without an apology or explanation, but he hoped that would be the case in this instance. Then he'd have time to sneak Carmen out and calm himself so that he _didn't_ look like he'd just been rumbled.

"Well, he started it." He didn't quite know why he was getting into that when he desperately wanted Carmen to leave. It only excited her more, as he should have expected. Any little detail he'd give her would only fuel her nosiness, and he should have known better than to encourage it. Still, it was sort of nice to be able to talk about it to somebody that _wasn't_ James.

"Before we talked?"

"Sort of. I didn't kiss him until after that." Carmen was practically jumping for joy by this point, and Regulus decided that he _would_ carry on the conversation at a later time, even if it would be breaking the rules. If James didn't know about it, he couldn't exactly be annoyed by it. "But look, I'm supposed to be meeting him here, so..." He trailed off, and luckily Carmen took the hint.

"Oh!" She exclaimed loudly and then rushed forward to press a kiss to Regulus' cheek. "I'll leave you to it, then." Her tone was suggestive, and Regulus supposed he would have to get used to that kind of comment. "Have fun!"

"Carm, you can't tell anybody!" Regulus called after her. 

"Secret's safe with me, loverboy!" Carmen winked at him over her shoulder and Regulus got the distinct impression that he'd just accidentally made her night.

After she'd gone, Regulus looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't look as stressed out as he felt, which was a relief. Regulus wasn't worried about Carmen telling anybody. It wasn't that he was sure she wouldn't, only that she wouldn't tell anybody who wasn't Willa. The two of them were very much a package deal, but Willa was better at keeping secrets than Carmen was so Regulus made peace with that. There was a bright pink mark across his cheek where Carmen had kissed him, but Regulus didn't get a chance to clean it off, because James chose that moment to strut through the bathroom door. He thanked whatever divine power had kept him at bay until Regulus had managed to get rid of Carmen.

"Sorry, you been waiting long?" James was quite unkempt, and if he ever gave an explanation, Regulus was sure it would be a good one this time. Still, the half-hearted apology was novel enough.

"No, I got here just before you." Regulus lied, as he always did. He didn't want James thinking that he was more invested in whatever it was they were doing than he was, or he might suddenly feel bad and call the whole thing off for real. James might have treated the whole thing trivially, but he wasn't actually _that_ much of a dick in Regulus' opinion and if he thought that he was hurting Regulus, he'd probably stop. If that thought had crossed his mind though, James didn't voice it. Instead, he ran a thumb across Regulus' cheek, pulling it back to look at the offending pigment on his skin.

"Yeah? Sure you didn't have somebody in here before me?" It was clear that James was amused, though he wouldn't have been if Regulus told him about the conversation he'd just had with Carmen, so he didn't. Instead, he opted to keep it vague and let James assume whatever he wanted.

"Nobody special."

"Oh, does that make me special, then?" James made his eyebrows dance, stepping closer to Regulus and he wondered what on earth it was he saw in James that kept him coming back for more.

"Well, you'd certainly say so." He didn't bother to stroke James' ego by agreeing to that. In the prefects' bathroom and other rooms in the castle especially, they were always running the risk that somebody else was going to come in and they would have to find some excuse to have been in there together. He didn't have one prepared, so he hoped in that instance James would be better under pressure than he was. Regulus didn't want to waste any more time finding neutral topics to talk to James about though, when they both knew what they were really there for.


	13. Chapter 13

If Regulus had considered breaking the rules to tell Carmen or Willa about what he was doing with James, he always managed to talk himself out of it. If they knew, they would make little jokes about it at every given opportunity, and Regulus didn't even want to _think_ about passing James in the corridors with Carmen in the event that she found out. Still, when she _did_ find out, Regulus regretted not telling them sooner. He didn't think it was technically breaking the rules since Carmen had worked it out herself based on his little slip and then proceeded to tell Willa. It was completely beyond his control, both of them finding out. And since they did know, there was no harm in Regulus telling them about the places he'd meet James, or the little things he would do to make Regulus smile. Even with the strain of keeping it a secret, it was the first time Regulus had ever really been interested in anybody like that and he was still finding it hard to believe that James returned the interest.

It was also a relief to have that topic of conversation with them, since he was frantically trying to avoid another. As the days began to grow longer, Lucius Malfoy milked every available moment to do business, meaning he was often in Hogsmeade late in the evenings. Being so close to Hogwarts so frequently meant that he'd begun writing to Regulus twice as often. He assumed the same was true of Snape, but since the last time they had left the grounds to meet Lucius, he had been avoiding Snape so couldn't be sure. His letters had grown increasingly long and insistent. Snape was going to meet the Dark Lord before the summer, and Regulus ought to do the same. Malfoy didn't seem to think it important that Snape was over a year older than Regulus, the purity of his blood seemed to take precedence where his cousin's husband was concerned.

The problem was that Regulus didn't quite know if he _wanted_ to meet the Dark Lord. He knew what his brother and James would say about it, had heard the Gryffindors whispering in the school halls. But when they spoke like that, they were lumping all of the Slytherins in together, and Regulus didn't think that was particularly fair. If he, and the Dark Lord, were to be judged by the actions of a few bad Slytherins then he thought it would only be fair to judge all of the Gryffindors by the actions of their precious Dumbledore. Malfoy said that a faction of the Ministry had formed around him, and that they were a danger to Wizarding society. It sounded like something of a conspiracy theory to Regulus, although if it were true, Dumbledore would certainly have reason to keep it a secret as the headmaster of a school. If Regulus judged every Gryffindor on that hypothetical, he was sure they would protest.

Though he was conflicted, Regulus didn't feel as though he could talk to anybody about it. If Regulus involved the girls, they would encourage him to go, and would want him to score them an invite, too. If he talked to James about it, James would only scold him for 'getting involved' in 'all of that', ignoring the fact that a growing number of his family members were involved in that and mounting the pressure on him to do the same. And if he even thought about going to Sirius about it, his brother would repeat the insults he had thrown at Regulus in the anger that living at Grimmauld Place fed. He would call Regulus feckless, say that he did whatever he could to please Narcissa and Bellatrix and that he ought to stop judging everything based on who was 'nice to him'. Since he already knew what they would all say about it respectively, Regulus opted not to tell any of them about it. Instead, he told Malfoy that he would commit to a meeting after Snape had been. That way, he could interrogate Snape and find out what he knew about the Dark Lord before agreeing to go himself.

As it turned out though, he didn't have to interrogate Snape. It was a Friday night that Lucius waited outside the castle's wards for Snape and early on Saturday, Regulus found himself accosted by the boy. He had planned on going up to the owlery before breakfast to write a little something to James. It would be too obvious to send him anything with Germana, but there was such a thrill in watching James reading the words he had written across the Great Hall, surrounded by his friends. For a week or so, they had been exchanging letters most mornings using one of the school owls, a fussy old thing with tatty brown feathers. It seemed as though James would have to do without his letter that morning, thanks to Snape.

"Aren't you going to ask me about it?"

"Isn't it the kind of thing you're supposed to keep to yourself?" Regulus asked, for once not in an attempt to evade Snape. Whenever Bellatrix or Malfoy had met with the Dark Lord, they were always very secretive about what had been said to them. They praised his brilliant mind and great vision for the future, but the details of said vision always seemed to get lost.

"I don't see why I should, you'll be coming along soon enough." Regulus knew that Snape was only eager to talk to him about it because he loved the idea of knowing something Regulus didn't, of holding something that might be valuable to him. He _was_ curious, though.

"What's he like, then?" Even if Snape was going to spill information to Regulus, he didn't seem to think it proper to do so in the common room. He dragged Regulus down by the lake, which he seemed to think more appropriate. Regulus did _not_ think that was more appropriate. So early in the morning, James would probably still be on the pitch and would have to pass back that way to get into the castle for breakfast. After everything that had happened with Lupin the previous month, he didn't think it would do him many favours to be seen in Snape's company by James.

"He's more powerful than Dumbledore by far." Snape announced once he was sure they wouldn't be overheard. "The only reason anybody thinks otherwise is the way the old fool hoards power." Regulus didn't give Snape the reaction he was obviously hoping for from that piece of information. He nodded, waiting for him to continue. It was hardly news that Dumbledore held too much power. And if Malfoy and Bellatrix were so convinced that the Dark Lord would be the one to take him down, then it seemed obvious he should have more power than the headmaster.

"Yeah, but what's he _like_?" Regulus answered the question, though he wasn't sure Snape understood his meaning. He didn't want to know what his plans for the future were, he had heard enough about how wonderful they were to last a lifetime. He wanted to know what the Dark Lord was like as a person, if it would be wise to encourage the girls to get involved.

"Strong. Powerful. What else matters?" It was clear that Severus was annoyed by how unenthusiastic Regulus was, but that didn't matter much to Regulus. He wasn't there to please Snape.

"Well, what does he look like?" Regulus wasn't saying that was particularly important in terms of his character, but it was something nobody ever seemed to mention. He didn't know if the Dark Lord was around the same age as Lucius, or closer to Dumbledore's age. He found it difficult to imagine pledging his allegiance to somebody when he couldn't even imagine their face. Snape regarded him for a moment before nodding with a hum, apparently deciding it was relevant to tell him.

"He's been marred by the greatness he holds. Don't allow yourself to be put off by something so trivial, Black." That didn't really help Regulus conjure a picture, but he thought that Snape would cut the conversation short if he started to ask for details like hair and eye colour, so he rethought his question.

"How old is he?" Snape didn't answer right away, considering it for a long time.

"It's hard to tell. Fifties, perhaps." After that, Snape told him about where he and Lucius had gone. There was a flat in Hogsmeade that Lucius rented to do business out of, apparently. They used a portkey from there, and then he wouldn't tell Regulus where they ended up but he made sure to make it known that it was a _secret_ location. The Dark Lord had spoken to him alone for quite some time, before letting him talk with Malfoy and some of the others. Regulus asked one more question, though he was embarrassed to ask. While he didn't care much what Snape thought of him, he still didn't want to be laughed at, or for Snape to tell anybody he'd asked it. 

"Is he... You know, is he scary?" If he was as powerful as Dumbledore, it was very possible that he was. Dumbledore scared Regulus whenever he found himself close to the Chief Warlock. Snape was clearly unimpressed by Regulus when he asked, as though he had hoped for more interesting questions, or for Regulus to be more excited by the small fraction of the Dark Lord that he had portrayed. He shook his head.

"Not unless you're afraid of greatness. It's in your blood to do your part in this endeavour." 

Regulus wanted to ask if the Dark Lord minded him being a halfblood, but the words didn't come to him. When he had been younger, he'd gotten the impression from Bellatrix that she and her 'associates' wanted to run all of the muggleborn and halfblood students out of Hogwarts to 'protect the purity' of the magic, but that didn't seem to be the Dark Lord's goal if he would allow Snape into his inner circle. Perhaps Bellatrix had misunderstood, or perhaps it wasn't high on the Dark Lord's list of priorities. After all, he was sure that _Dumbledore_ didn't hold the same values as all those who revered him for his great abilities. When Regulus finally met with the Dark Lord, he would be able to make up his own mind about the man. Sirius thought him feckless, but he would be able to show his brother that he was capable of thinking for himself when the time came.


	14. Chapter 14

Another day, another of James' made up games in the basement of Honeydukes. This time, he had asked Regulus if he could only perform _one_ spell for the rest of his life, which would he pick? Regulus considered it. He thought about which would be most useful, and which spells he used most in his day to day life. His reasoning was that if he chose something simple like 'accio' or 'lumos', he wouldn't notice the absence of his magic so much since he probably used those every day. But if he did that, he wouldn't be able to use magic in any dire situation he might find himself in. It would be more sensible therefore, to choose something life-saving like a healing spell, or that thing he'd seen in Slughorn's book that made a person immortal. Should he risk never doing magic again just so that he could use it in an emergency? Regulus was weighing up the pros and cons when James sighed dramatically.

"Reg, it's just a game! Pick one!" Regulus rolled his eyes at James' impatience. 

"If I'm not going to think about it, what's the point in playing? You might as well just ask which spell comes to mind first." James smiled at him then, in the way he always did when Regulus said or did something he thought amusing.

"Go on, then. Which spell comes to mind first?" Regulus thought _quickly_.

"Accio."

"The lazy man's spell."

"Why get up and walk across the room when somebody made a spell for that?" He shrugged his shoulders and James smirked.

"Maybe if you got up more often, you'd be able to beat me at Quidditch." Even a week ago, and Regulus would have been annoyed by that quip, but now he knew James was only saying it _to_ annoy him, which made it significantly less annoying. James often did that, and as he collected these small pieces of information about how James talked to him, he found himself irritated less and less often.

"You're so full of yourself."

"That's not very nice! You're lucky I..." He trailed off, looking sheepish. Regulus really thought him astounding sometimes, the way he would parade around the castle and then fall all over himself at the smallest admission of affection. His dark hair fell over his eyes and he only looked up again when Regulus spoke. 

"I'm lucky you... What, it's too soon in this... thing for you to say that you actually like me?" He had hoped for his tone to be one of teasing until he stumbled over his own words. How exactly _should_ he refer to what they were doing? Relationship was definitely not the right word. Any other that he thought of, fling or dalliance were too embarrassing to say out loud. James would no doubt laugh at his usage of those. Perhaps he had the right idea in not attempting to vocalise those things. James merely raised his eyebrows in response, having composed himself quickly enough, which Regulus took as his cue to change the topic of conversation. "Accio bag."

James' school bag drifted through the air over to where Regulus sat on the ground. They always sat apart when they were talking or playing a game. If they sat too close, one would start kissing the other and the game would be forgotten, James had said when Regulus pulled a face. Regulus didn't see the problem with that. Even as they edged closer to summer, it was cold enough in the cellar that the shared body heat would be appreciated. When he caught James' satchel he made a show of starting to unzip it, expecting him to protest.

"Please yourself, I have nothing to hide." He was still grinning, laying on the dusty floor as though it were his palace and waving a hand with the regal arrogance to match. Even though James was amused by his little show, Regulus still hesitated. He couldn't believe James would let anybody rummage through his things so freely. Even with the girls, Regulus had been brought up to respect privacy to the point that he felt it was invasive to touch their belongings. But James hardly thought the same way his parents did, and he strongly doubted that Sirius showed that same respect for privacy. Sirius was James' best friend, ergo he probably wouldn't secretly be mad at him for looking.

Inside, there were three textbooks: two for transfigurations; one for potions. He pulled each of them out as though they were very interesting or incriminating, revelling in the way James' face lit up as he laughed. Regulus had never considered himself to be a particularly funny person, but it often seemed that James would disagree with that assessment. Underneath the books, there was a mess of scrunched up parchment and empty sweet wrappers, along with one large folded piece of parchment. A bent quill and a packet of birdseed. Two envelopes. Regulus recognised his own handwriting as he touched the letters he had written to James. He wanted to unfold the letters, look at _when_ the letters were from. Some of the first he had written, or those delivered to James in the past few days? He resisted though, wanting to keep up the pretence of casual interest. Regulus packed James' things away, pulling out the rubbish and putting things back far more neatly than they had been before he began his raid.

"Aw, tidying up for me? Thanks, Reggie." Regulus scrunched his nose up at the name, which elicited yet another snigger from James as he took his things back. He didn't mind it from some people, but coming from James' mouth it just sounded like he was mocking him. Regulus was still busy thinking about the letters in James' bag, though. Were they in there simply because it was where he'd shoved them after quickly reading them once at the breakfast table? Or had he been holding on to them intentionally, as Regulus had been with James' letters? He didn't let the idea of the latter linger too long in his mind. James crossed the room, and while Regulus assumed it would only be to take his own things back, James surprised him by picking up both of the leather satchels at Regulus' side. He'd pranced back to his spot in the dust before Regulus had a chance to protest. 

Regulus hoped that James would remember that _he_ hadn't pulled the envelopes out of his bag, and would show Regulus the same courtesy. There weren't only the letters from James in there, which would be bad enough if he knew how often Regulus had read them back, in the moments he thought he'd made the whole thing up. But he was also carrying the letters he'd been receiving from Malfoy. The reason for holding onto those was less sentimental, and entirely just because he didn't want Selwyn and the others coming across them in their dorm. Montague had a habit of rooting through other people's trunks, and Regulus didn't much feel like explaining _who_ he was going to sneak off the grounds to meet in June. Malfoy had been vague in his letters, lest they fall into the wrong hands. Regulus wanted to prove that he could be trusted, and that Malfoy didn't need to make such compromises. Although as James rifled through his bag, he wondered if his were the 'wrong hands' Malfoy had so clearly warned him about. Thankfully, James didn't pull out any letters. What he _did_ pull out was possibly worse.

He wouldn't have a go at Regulus for associating with dark wizards, but Regulus was beginning to think that was a conversation he'd rather have than the one he now saw looming. James had pulled out his charms book. He thought it interesting since unlike all of Regulus' other books, it wasn't brand new. Regulus had found it in Binns' classroom when he'd been looking for something to help Sirius during the summer, and had started using it to keep notes in. After all, nobody would bother looking through his school books for anything interesting, so he could write whatever he liked in there and enjoy the illusion of privacy. Except that James obviously thought there might be something interesting in the book. He flipped through the pages and inevitably came to the list of rules regarding their not-relationship-fling-or-dalliance at the back. There was no mention of James by name in there, so he crossed his fingers behind his back and hoped he might manage to blag his way out of it. He couldn't see the page from where he sat, but he knew by heart that it read:

** Rules **

_**1\. Always say it's the last time.** _

_**~~2\. Let him decide when.~~ ** _

_**3\. Don't talk about anything serious, or Sirius.** _

_**4\. Don't tell anybody.** _

James looked at the list for a long time. He kept glancing up towards Regulus, occasionally opening his mouth to speak before changing his mind. It reminded Regulus of the way he'd acted when James had first kissed him on the Quidditch pitch, though it didn't look as though he was in for a repeat performance. He was quiet for long enough that Regulus really thought that he might drop it for a moment, but Sirius' name being included in the list put the last nail in that coffin. 

"It's nothing important." Regulus blurted out, when he couldn't take the silence for any longer. James didn't seem convinced by this.

"Is it something to do with Malfoy?" 

" _Malfoy_?" Regulus asked incredulously. "Why would it have anything to do with Malfoy?" Of all the conclusions that James could have come to, that was one of the most bizarre. James often made reference to Regulus sneaking about with his _girlfriends_ , which he usually ignored. But surely he couldn't think that Regulus was sneaking about with Malfoy, too?

"Nothing, just something Sirius said." James had gotten very good at calling Sirius by his name when he came up in front of Regulus, instead of one of the many ridiculous nicknames he had for him. It was Regulus' turn to be silent then, unsure if he wanted to know what his brother had said or not. It wouldn't be anything good, but even as his voice wavered, he knew he'd regret not asking.

"Sirius said something about me seeing Malfoy?"

"Yeah, he said that Malfoy was trying to turn you into one of _them_ , and that you'd probably let him." James was avoiding Regulus' eye as he repeated the last part. 

"I'm sure you're missing a bit off the end there." Perhaps that Regulus was just like them, or that he'd be eager to become the monster that Sirius saw the rest of his family as.

"It's not about you. It's Malfoy." He almost felt bad for continuing that conversation when James was clearly uncomfortable, trying to defend Sirius but obviously not able to deny he'd said something disparaging about his younger brother. He'd said once before that he didn't want to get in the middle of what Sirius and Regulus had going on. Regulus thought it was a bit late for that, though. Regulus didn't respond, not wanting to point out that to Sirius, he was the same as Malfoy, and the rest of their family. Sirius hated them all equally. "Since when were there rules?" James asked, attention suddenly back on the book and eyebrows furrowed.

"There have always been rules. Just because you didn't write them down, doesn't mean you weren't following them anyway." Regulus thought about accio-ing the book back over to him, but knew that James would block him before he got the chance to. Instead, he went to grab it from James' hand himself. James didn't let go right away but also didn't snatch it away from Regulus' grasp, so that in the end they were holding it between themselves. The grin that Regulus liked to think was permanently painted across James' face was long gone now, replaced by confusion and apprehension. He didn't bother to argue the fact that he hadn't know there _were_ rules to follow, instead asking:

"Why's that one crossed out?"

"I was annoyed at you." It sounded silly even as Regulus said it, but it was the truth. 

"You never said."

"Discussing feelings would break rule three. You'd have just been awkward about it and left." Regulus didn't say that to be argumentative. He was just pointing out facts. He even pointed a finger to where he had written rule three on the page. Nothing serious. Being annoyed with James would fall under that. Besides, if he had told James in the beginning _why_ that rule had annoyed him, he would have just called the whole thing off. Regulus didn't want that. 

"You _can_ talk to me, you know?" James let the book fall from his grasp then, instead holding Regulus' arms by the elbows. Paired with the serious sentiment, Regulus found himself flustered. He was suddenly glad of the darkness they always sat together in. James turned his head to make Regulus meet his eye, and he couldn't disagree with him then. If James wanted some commitment to discuss important things, he could give him that. They didn't have to talk about _everything_. James never talked to Regulus about the werewolf stuff, or most of the things he did with Sirius. But he had to admit that it was difficult to be annoyed with somebody and simultaneously seek out any morsel of attention they were willing to give. Next time, he would be sure to tell James exactly what he had done to piss Regulus off. 

"Alright." Though, just because James had said he _could_ talk to him and Regulus had agreed to, that didn't mean he had to right then. It felt as though more than enough had been said on their non-relationship for one night, and he certainly wasn't going to discuss everything that was going on in his family with James. Which left only one option. "You never told me which spell you'd pick, if you could only have one." 


	15. Chapter 15

May 18th, 1977

250861

Enough of me deciding, if that's one of your rules. Name a time and a place and I'll be there.

270360

May 18th, 1977

270360

I thought we agreed not to talk about that again? If you're going to bring it up again, I'll just stop meeting you. Quidditch pitch tomorrow morning?

250861

May 18th, 1977

250861

I actually can't do tomorrow morning, pretty busy tonight and I know LR will make me catch up on homework in the morning. Pick another time and I'll be there, I swear.

270360

May 18th, 1977

270360

If you're busy, then why don't you just tell me a time and a place and I'll show up?

250861

May 19th, 1977

250861

Got detention tonight on account of last night. Picture me winking right about now.

Look, I don't want you to think you're at my beck and call or anything. Everybody's in Hogsmeade on Saturday, how about we meet somewhere then? Can be in the village or the castle.

270360

May 19th, 1977

270360

I don't have to picture you winking when you do it across the Great Hall, you know?

You've lived with BS's passive aggression long enough that you might think I'm lying when I say I can't do Saturday. Already said I'd meet somebody there.

250861

May 19th, 1977

250861

To anybody who has found these notes, winking across the Great Hall does not indicate direction. Nice try. To the intended, you smiled when I winked at you so wouldn't have assumed you were being pissy. What you said about BS is true though, ha.

If not Saturday, how about Sunday? Three days away but unless we're going to do tomorrow night, it's the best I can offer. Any time and place that day, I swear. The boys have no plans so I'm all yours.

270360

P.S: Who are you meeting in Hogsmeade? One of your girlfriends? Keep coded, I'll figure it out.

May 19th, 1977

270360

Stop addressing your imaginary audience, you sound like a prat.

Sunday works for me, I'll think about time and place and send another note.

250861

P.S: You won't like the answer, so I won't tell you.

Between the Thursday and Sunday, Regulus didn't meet James at all. It wasn't something Regulus was pleased about, although it did make things easier on Saturday when he met with Malfoy. The distance made it harder for Regulus to imagine what James might say, how he would react to the things Lucius was saying. As he nodded along, it didn't occur to him that James would clench his jaw and his face would redden as Malfoy spoke so freely about blood purity. He didn't picture James pushing back his stool as he jumped to his feet, ready to defend the honour of thousands of witches and wizards he didn't even know. When Regulus agreed to the arrangements Lucius had made for June, he didn't consider telling James about it even though he had half-heartedly agreed to be more open with him the last time they were together.

Though he didn't meet with James for nearly a week, that wasn't to say he didn't _see_ him. The pair still made eyes at each other across the Great Hall whenever they got a chance, and Regulus passed James twice in the corridors. The first time, he was alone but James was with Pettigrew, so he couldn't attempt to say anything. The second time, Regulus was with Carmen and he just desperately wanted to make it past James without it being exceedingly obvious to him that Carmen knew about the two of them. If he was going to talk to James more about things that mattered, he supposed he should probably start with the fact that Carmen and Willa knew about their little arrangement. Regulus worried about how he would react, though. James had no reason to trust the girls, even if Regulus did. And if the roles were reversed and some of James' Gryffindor friends knew, he wouldn't be happy about it. It also didn't help his case that so long had passed since Carmen finding out, he felt that James would probably think he should have told him right away. In fairness, if the roles were reversed, he would have thought so too.

With all of the time apart and all of the things Regulus had been keeping to himself, he considered writing them all down in a letter. That way, even if James thought about hexing him for any of the things he wrote, he couldn't. But James had been very pleased with himself when he came up with the system for coding their letters, and he felt that there would be some details he would have to include that would give them away in the hypothetical scenario that somebody came across their letters. So instead, he wrote James a short note on Sunday telling him to meet Regulus in McGonagall's classroom. Nobody would have a reason to be in there on a Sunday, but if they did happen to break the boys' warding spells and wander in, James could easily lie and say that he had a detention while Regulus could pretend to be on prefect business.

For once, Regulus arrived to find James already waiting. He was wearing a short-sleeved red shirt that was unbuttoned nearly half-way down. It was the sort of thing the muggle students often wore, but always managed to look odd on James. He could copy their outfits well enough, but they always looked out of place on his body. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but Regulus wondered off-hand how James would look in traditional dress robes.

"You don't want to go to Honeydukes today?" James asked as Regulus sidled up to him. He was sitting at one of the desks and his arms automatically went to Regulus' waist when he was close enough.

"Last time, you said I could talk to you. I'm not sure how long you're going to want to stay when I do." He was being completely serious, but James only laughed. He had a habit of doing that, and Regulus thought it was very telling of how seriously they both took things that he would laugh when Regulus had spent the last week worrying about it.

"Alright then. What are you going to say?" His hands were clasped together behind Regulus' back, holding him close. It was nice, and Regulus stalled a moment, just looking down at him. He couldn't help but notice the skin James had on show, running a thumb down the collar of his shirt to the bottom of his sternum where the first button finally fastened. He had done it before he could think better of it and felt momentarily embarrassed by it, but if James had even noticed he made no show of it. He was still awaiting Regulus' answer. However, there were two things in particular that Regulus had decided he should have told James days or weeks ago, and he wasn't sure he was quite ready to tell him yet.

"Will you, uh—" Regulus indicated to where James' wand was tucked into the waistband of his muggle jeans, "will you put that over there first?" He pointed to the far end of the desk, where it was safely out of James' reach.

James blinked. Then he frowned.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Reg." Even as he spoke, he pulled out his wand and tossed it over onto a further desk, further than Regulus had asked.

"You don't know what I'm going to say yet."

"Look, I know we didn't exactly get off on the best footing there, but there's nothing you could say or do that would make me want to hurt you." Part of Regulus thought that was a completely absurd thing to assert. Another part of him wanted that first voice to shut up because he wanted to believe what James was saying even if he felt delusional doing so. He waited for a moment, unconsciously moving closer to James once more before he spoke again.

"Okay. Well, you know Carmen Ollerton and Willa Broadmoor?" James still usually referred to the girls as Regulus' 'girlfriends', but he assumed that he would know them by name by now.

"Yeah?"

"They know about us."

"You told them?"

"No!" Regulus worried James would think that, and jumped to explain. "Carmen worked it out, and then she told Willa. But they won't tell anybody else, I promise, and—"

"Okay." James interrupted him. Regulus thought that it was odd how calm he seemed, after the strenuous effort he put into making sure nobody found out about him and Regulus. He had worked out things they could censor in their letters to one another, found places they could be alone and excuses to feed to Sirius to explain his absences. The idea that two Slytherins already knew about it seemed like something he'd care about more.

"Okay?" Regulus repeated.

"You trust them, don't you?" James' smile was gone, but he didn't look angry either, which was better than Regulus had expected or could have hoped for.

"Yeah, of course."

"Then okay." James shrugged one shoulder, and pulled Regulus closer once more. "Is that all?"

"No." Regulus took a large step backwards, gently pushing James' hands off him. Even if telling him about the girls had gone better than planned, Regulus wasn't sure the other thing _wouldn't_ make James jump up and reclaim his wand. It was something he should have told him when it first happened, but things were hectic at the time and since he had agreed to be more open with James, it had been weighing on his mind more and more.

He tried to figure out the words to tell James and have him be the least angry with Regulus, and James waited patiently.

"It's about Lupin. You know that Snape told me about him being..." Regulus trailed off, thinking it best to ease James into what he was going to say, instead of just blurting it out and risking him going mad.

"Yes. What does that have to do with anything?" He didn't seem angry yet, but there was a slight edge to James' voice.

"I'm not the only person he's told." As Regulus could have predicted, James' jaw set and his eyes flickered to where his wand sat on the desk. Nervous, Regulus rushed to explain the rest, knowing that he didn't exactly have anything to reassure James with. "I'm pretty sure Malfoy knows about it."

"That's what he was talking to you about in Hogsmeade yesterday?" He didn't know if James had seen him with Malfoy, or if he was making assumptions, but it didn't really matter.

"No. No, it was..." It was about to get worse. "It was ages ago, before we kissed the first time. But then I panicked about that, and the other stuff with Snape and so I—"

"What other stuff with Snape?" James was standing now, still taller than Regulus and it was more intimidating to tell him everything when Regulus had to look up to meet his eye.

"It's nothing. It's nothing to do with Lupin, or any of you lot."

"It's to do with you, though." He pointed out, undeterred.

"Yeah." Regulus conceded. The conversation was quickly getting out of hand, and Regulus didn't have time to think about everything he was saying before he said it, as he usually would.

"Then I want to know."

"He was just saying things about Sirius. About him leaving." Regulus didn't bother to mention Snape invading his thoughts. James' eyes had gone dark enough as it was, his fists balled up at his sides. He knew that people frowned upon using legilimency like that, and while it was normal to Regulus, he knew how Sirius felt about their mother's use of it. James probably felt the same, so Regulus would be as vague as possible.

"That's what you were talking about, isn't it?"

"What?"

"After you kissed me." Regulus was sure the confusion was clear on his face, but there wasn't much he could do about that as James went on. "I thought you were avoiding me, but you said you were having a bad day. That's 'cause of Snape, isn't it?" If Regulus had time, he probably would have been embarrassed that James remembered him saying that, but as it was he only had time to nod.

"Slimy git," James grunted eventually, mind obviously drifting back to the point, "has he told anybody else about Remus?" Regulus shook his head.

"I don't think so," he paused, before remembering suddenly, "oh, that muggleborn girl maybe."

"Lily." James said, and Regulus would have to be an idiot not to notice the way his anger seemed to dissipate somewhat at the mere mention of her. He remembered Sirius mentioning her in his letters to Regulus in his first year, saying that James fancied her then. If his feelings remained even now, it would be ridiculous for Regulus to think he could compete with that. Even if there weren't the obstacles of his brother and their both being boys, of the oncoming war and their positions relating to it. Regulus was simply a distraction for James, something to pass the time while Lily got over herself and admitted that she saw everything in James that Regulus did. Knowing this, he still didn't protest as James closed the distance between them, or when he took Regulus' hands in his.

"Thanks for telling me." Regulus hoped that the conversation could be over then, and that they could go back to mindlessly discussing Quidditch or whatever James' next detention would be for.

"Should've told you sooner, I just forgot. And then it felt like the time had passed."

"S'okay." Regulus wondered if he would tell Lupin that Malfoy knew about him. How could he, without telling him how he'd found out? He almost regretted telling James, knowing that he'd feel guilty about having to keep something else from one of his closest friends. "What are you thinking about?" James asked, obviously seeing the deep thought written across Regulus' face.

"Nothing." He lied. Regulus thought he had done more than enough sharing for one day. James clearly thought he knew what Regulus was thinking about, though.

"You should talk to him."

"Snape?" Regulus pulled a face of disgust.

"No, Sirius." At this, he tensed and broke the eye contact that had grown to seem so natural between them.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Why should I? He left, not me."

"That's not fair." James said, voice stern. Regulus tried to separate their hands, but James held on. "He didn't leave because of you." He didn't stay because of Regulus, either. Regulus wouldn't say that, though. He didn't want James to know how pathetic he was when it came to his brother.

"He doesn't want anything to do with the Black family. That includes me." That was the better version, the one that sounded less personal. Less like Regulus felt abandoned by him.

"He cares about you, Reg." James' voice was soft, and he was slowly tugging Regulus closer and closer. He nudged their noses together so that Regulus would look up at him, which worked. Lines of worry had formed across his forehead and Regulus almost kissed him then, just to make them go away. James carried on before he could. "Besides, if you two make up, you could come and visit during the summer."

"I wouldn't be allowed." Whether he meant by his mother or the Dark Lord, he wasn't sure. They both amounted to the same.

"Think about it, though." James quirked an eyebrow, and Regulus allowed himself to be pulled into the fantasy. If he and Sirius were on speaking terms again, and he visited Sirius and James in the summer, he would have far more to look forward to in the summer months than he currently did. James kissed his lips.

"Fine, I'll think about it." James kissed his cheek.

Regulus had often envisaged James' home, and no matter how inaccurate it was, images filled his head of their summer together. Tall grass and the warm sun, holding hands like they were now, without the cover of the dark and dusty classroom.

"Sirius'll be busy writing letters to Remus, we'd have loads of time on our own." James muttered, obviously picturing it himself. He kissed Regulus' jaw, and Regulus put his arms up around James' neck. Was it wrong for Regulus to talk to his brother again after so long had passed, simply for the chance of a summer spent like this with his best friend? Probably. As James' fingers pulled at his sides insistently, he couldn't seem to see the problem with it, though. Perhaps instead of spending the whole summer with his mother and cousins, he could spend a part of it staring at James. Regulus already thought that he looked good in the dull light of the Scottish castle in mid-May, but he had a feeling that the dark skin peeking out through James' shirt would be a whole other story under the hot sun.

Regulus would be turning seventeen over the holidays, so it was about time he started thinking about what he wanted his future to look like. If it was a choice between meeting Malfoy's questionable friends and teaching James the charm to avoid grass stains on his clothes, he knew which one he was leaning towards.


End file.
